Anew
by MistressMacha
Summary: A sequel to 'Aftermath', set four years or so later. Re-reading 'Aftermath' made me wonder about where they would have gone from there, because I couldn't see it being an entirely easy ride for either of them... LOTS of E/O, some quite explicit.
1. Prologue

_**A/N****: I knocked this out in a couple of hours during a bout of insomnia. Let me know what you think and I'll carry on from there!**_

PROLOGUE

'Trust Casey to end up marrying someone she argued with at a baseball game.' Alex rolled her eyes. 'You know they went on their first date after she'd spent three hours shouting at him, and he invited her out for dinner so that she could shout more?'

'I did hear that but I thought she was joking,' said Olivia. 'Well, there's nothing like a marriage that starts with a bit of good old-fashioned hate sex.' She winked. 'You should know that, Alex.'

Alex blushed. 'Not everyone gets the perfect romance you had with Elliot...'

'Perfect romance?' Olivia burst out laughing. 'I got pregnant while we were both drunk at a work party, in an ancient on-call room bunk bed!'

'Well, yes, but we always knew it was going to happen with you two, it was just a matter of time.' Alex smiled. 'Trust you to have to go about things the difficult way.'

'Hey, I'm not the one who ended up committing a Class B misdemeanor in the courthouse men's bathroom with the defence attorney from the case you'd just finished prosecuting.'

'The guy was an asshole!'

'So you had sex with him.'

'Yes.'

'In a men's room bathroom stall.'

'Yes.'

'And later married him.'

'Well, yes...'

'After six months of ill-advised one-offs somehow turned into a serious relationship.'

'He turned out to be a nice asshole. And, well, what can I say, I'm quite fond of his assholery in court now. It's entertaining.'

There was a shriek from the other side of the room and they both looked up. Natalie and Alex's daughter Kimmie were playing tag around the tables.

'Natalie! Natalie, stop it!' Olivia rolled her eyes at Alex. 'I'm sorry, my child is terrorising Casey's grandparents again. I'll be right back.' She watched Elliot deftly intercept his daughter mid-run and scoop her up before she could frighten any more of the elderly guests. Natalie scowled. Somehow she had already managed to rip a hole in her new red velvet party dress. Olivia sighed. 'That girl, I swear...'

'Don't worry, I think Kimmie's just as bad.' Alex raised her voice and strode across the room. 'Kimmie! Kimberly Elizabeth Langan, you stop that right now!'

Kimmie stuck her tongue out at her mother and hid under a table as Elliot appeared, carrying their struggling daughter. Munch was a couple of steps behind him holding Natalie's long-forgotten party shoes. 'Liv, I think maybe it's time for Nat to go home.' Elliot sounded more than a little defeated. He could outdo a dozen suspects one after the other, but when it came to Natalie, she had him beat. And, even worse, she knew it.

'But El, Casey will be so disappointed if we leave before the end-'

'No, it's OK, I talked to Munch and he offered to take her back to our apartment and keep an eye on her until we get home. He's heading off now anyway. Apparently the last bridesmaid just rejected him.'

Munch nodded mournfully.

Olivia still looked doubtful. 'Well, if you're sure...'

Elliot was trying to stop Natalie from trying to climb up onto his shoulders. 'Come on, Liv, he is her godfather, and she adores him. Remember when he taught her how to swear in three different languages?'

Olivia shot Munch a dirty look. 'I do.' He gave her what was clearly meant to be an apologetic look. Olivia didn't buy it for a second.

Munch reluctantly gave up trying to look apologetic. 'Olivia, it'll be fine. She's four, she'll probably just go to sleep as soon as I get her home.' He took Natalie from Elliot and put her down, keeping a tight hold on her hand. Natalie promptly started jumping up and down.

Olivia tried her best not to laugh. Natalie never went to sleep without a fight. Not that she was about to tell him that now. 'OK. Thanks, John, I appreciate it.'

'Any time.' He squatted down to talk to Natalie. 'Hey, Nat, you want to come learn to play poker with your Uncle John?'

Natalie grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

'Good girl.' He stood up straight and led her out of the room, Natalie skipping happily along beside him. Olivia raised her eyebrows at Elliot.

'Come on, Liv, what harm can it do for her to learn some card games?' Elliot put his arm around her shoulder. 'Plus it means I get to spend some time with just you, and I never get to do that any more.'

'Well, aren't you sweet.' Olivia slipped her arm around him and kissed him on the cheek. 'Can you believe Casey got married? She's the last of our single friends...'

'Except Munch.'

'Yes, but that's Munch.'

'True.'

'Do you remember our wedding, Liv?' He smiled at her, wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her in close.

'Of course I do.' She put her arms around his back and pressed her lips against his mouth.

Elliot smiled and kissed her upper lip. 'I loved that dress...' Olivia had chosen a cream and ivory floor-length dress with a pale gold pattern. 'Especially the... uh... the filmy divorce stuff.'

'Devore, Elliot.' Olivia tried not to laugh. 'Why would I choose a fabric called divorce for my wedding dress?'

'No idea, but God knows I've given up trying to understand women.' Elliot had learned enough over the years to know that, as the groom, all he really had to do was show up and try to remember to wear a clean shirt.

'That's probably wise.' She smiled.

He brushed a strand of hair back off her face. 'Do you remember when you threw the bouquet and Munch literally dived out of the way to avoid it?'

She laughed. 'Yes.' She'd actually thrown it in his direction deliberately.

'Do you remember when we snuck away after the speeches to go and sit on the roof and drink champagne by ourselves for an hour?'

She kissed him again. 'I do.' _That was her favourite part of the whole evening._

He leaned in closer, kissed her cheek again and held his mouth right next to her ear. She could feel his breath on the side of her face. 'Do you remember the janitor's closet?'

Olivia blushed bright red. 'Yes.' _OK, so maybe the roof was her second favourite part._

Elliot ran his hands down her back and began to stroke the sides of her hips with his thumbs. 'That was a really great way to spend a half hour, wasn't it?'

Olivia bit her lip. 'Yes.'

'Talking about it's got me wondering if there are any little places like that in this hotel that we could borrow for a little while...' He began to kiss her cheek and the side of her face.

She swallowed. 'Maybe we should go and find out.'

Elliot pulled away and tried and failed to look disapproving. 'But won't Casey be disappointed?'

'Screw that. We'll be back before she even knows we're gone.'

Elliot looked a little hurt. 'That's not really much of a compliment, Liv...'

'You know what I mean.' She smiled and kissed him. 'Want to go violate article 245 of New York penal law?'

He hesitated. No, he had to say it. 'You do know that technically this would count as entrapment, right?'

She rolled her eyes and began to lead him towards the ballroom doors. 'Shut up, Elliot.'

_**A/N: What did you think? (And for everyone who asked for more of the E/O, what can I say, ask and you shall receive. I adore you all.)**_


	2. ONE

**ONE**

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_**(A/N: Yeah, this one's coming in very separate parts, so it'll have a few of these little pages in.)**_


	3. ONE  I

_**A/N: Here's my first update of this story... thanks for all the great reviews so far. For those of you who are also reading 'Controlled'... I'm finishing up the next chapter for that too. I just keep putting it off... Anyway, hope you enjoy!**_

'Liv? Liv?' Someone was prodding her. 'Liv, wake up.'

'Whaaaaaat?' Olivia reluctantly rolled over and opened her eyes. Elliot was sitting up in bed next to her, and the bedside light was on. She silently cursed him. 'What time is it?'

'Half-past four.'

'In the MORNING?' Olivia swore. 'Why are you even awake?' _And why did you have to wake me up, you bastard?_

'Can you hear something?'

'I can hear your voice...' She squinted and rubbed her eyes.

'No, in the hallway.'

She sat up and listened. 'I don't-'

'LISTEN.'

She rolled her eyes and then heard it. There was a rattling, scraping sound from the hallway, as if someone was trying to break in through the front door. She looked up at Elliot. He nodded, pulled his gun out of the nightstand drawer and made his way silently across the room, peered around the door, and set off down the hallway. Suddenly there was a crash and a loud curse and Olivia sat bolt upright. 'El? EL!'

A minute later Elliot reappeared in the doorway, gun stuck down the back of the waistband of his boxers and Natalie squirming in his arms. He rolled his eyes. 'She designed us a burglar alarm using the pots and pans from the kitchen and some electrical cord.'

Olivia groaned. 'Nat...'

'Now Richard Ramirez can't get in without Daddy waking up and scaring him away with his gun.' Natalie sounded immensely proud of this. For some reason, the idea that a serial killer from California might somehow break out of prison and travel across the country to personally murder her was her greatest fear. She smiled widely.

Olivia sighed and held out her arms. 'Come here, my clever little devil child.'

Natalie began to squirm again and Elliot laughed and let her go, watching with amusement as she hurtled across the bed and threw herself at her mother, flinging both arms around her neck and burying her face in her shoulder. Olivia smiled and stroked her daughter's hair. 'Did you have another nightmare about Mr Ramirez, Nat?' Olivia had no idea how her daughter had heard about this guy, but her money was on Munch and one of his creepy stories.

Natalie sat up and solemnly shook her head. 'I'm too big for nightmares, Mommy.'

'I don't know, even Daddy has nightmares sometimes.' Olivia glanced up at Elliot. Yesterday was the third night in a row that she'd had to wake him up mid-nightmare because she was actually afraid for him, and at least the tenth time that month that she'd woken up to the sound of him shouting out for her in his sleep. One day she hoped he'd actually talk to her about it. She sighed. 'The important thing to remember, honey, is that they're not real.'

'Richard Ramirez is real.'

Olivia sighed again. She couldn't argue with that. 'Yes, but Mr Ramirez is all the way over in San Quentin in California. He can't get you, sweetie, and if you ever get scared, just come and find me or Daddy, OK?'

Natalie nodded. 'Yes, Mommy.'

'Good girl.' Olivia pulled her daughter in and kissed her on the forehead. 'Are you ready to go back to bed now like a big girl?'

She could see Natalie thinking about it. _Please, please go back to bed, I need to sleep, I only have an hour before I have to get up for work.._. 'OK, Mom.'

_Thank God._ 'Good girl.'

Natalie looked at her hopefully. 'Can I have a glass of milk first?'

_Anything if it means you'll go back to sleep. _'I'm sure Daddy won't mind getting you a glass of milk.' She looked up. 'El?'

Elliot shot her a look of gratitude. 'Come on Nat, say night night to Mom.' He held out his hand.

'Night Mommy.' Natalie hugged her mother and gave her a large sloppy kiss on the cheek.

'Night, Nat.' Olivia ruffled Natalie's hair, and she smiled before spinning around and scampering over the bed to her father. Elliot gave Olivia a quick wink, scooped Natalie up and carried her out of the room. Olivia could hear her chattering away as they disappeared down the hallway towards the kitchen. She laughed to herself, lay down again and pulled the covers back over her shoulders.

A few minutes passed before she heard the floorboards creak and felt Elliot slip into bed behind her. His arm snaked around her waist and he pressed himself against her back, tucking his chin over her shoulder and kissing the side of her neck. 'Natalie's gone back to sleep.'

'Good.' Olivia smiled and burrowed back into him. 'That was quick, I'm impressed.'

'I put a half of whisky in the milk when she wasn't looking.'

'ELLIOT-'

'I'm kidding.' She heard him trying not to laugh. 'Though don't think I haven't thought about it once in a while.'

Olivia smiled again and pulled his arm more tightly around her waist. 'She's just a clever kid.'

'I know she is. And, now we have the best burglar alarm ever designed to warn us of serial killers and other unwanted visitors.' He kissed the spot behind her ear. 'Though we may have to spend a fair amount of time tomorrow washing all the pots and pans.'

'Eh, I can make my peace with that.' Olivia put her hand on top of his and held it. 'You know El, you looked terribly... masterful... when you thought it was actually an intruder... it was a little distracting... you know, from the whole being scared for my life thing...'

He laughed and kissed the back of her neck, tightening his arms around her. 'I did, did I?'

'Oh yes.' She smiled as he began to kiss the side of her neck, moving down to her shoulder, and slipped his hand up and under the front of her pyjama top. She raised an eyebrow. 'Don't we have to be up in an hour for work?'

'There's a lot you can do in one hour.'

'Mmm, that's true...' She rolled over to face him, wrapped both her arms around his back and kissed him. She moved one hand up to touch the side of his face, and he felt the other moving down his back to the waistband of his boxer shorts.

He slid his hand down her stomach and inside her pyjama shorts. 'Feel like finding out exactly how much?'

'My, El, you are ambitious this morning...' She rolled onto her back and pulled him on top of her, grabbing the back of his neck with one hand and pulling him in to kiss her, brushing her tongue along the inside of his lips. 'I like it...' Elliot smiled and reached over to turn off the bedside light. Olivia put a hand up to stop him, pulled him in again and kissed him so hard that he could feel the outline of her teeth behind her lips.

She looked up at him and smiled, guiding his hand away from the light switch and back down into her pyjama shorts. 'No. Leave it on.'

_**A/N: What did you think? Good? Bad? More of something? Less of something?**_

_**As ever, thank you, and I adore you all, especially my regulars (Paula100, K444, Elliotandoliviababies, JennBenson, balseirocharmed, ashleysvureader- thank you!)**_


	4. ONE  II

_**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews, they're really helpful and I do love getting them! Here's the third chapter, a little bit sooner than I was expecting... I hope you enjoy it!**  
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_'Liv, this where we need to be. I know it.' This time he was sure._

_'How do you know it, El?' She sounded tired and irritable. _

_'Trust me.' He smiled at her._

_'El, I don't like this.' Olivia was still reluctant to follow him into the warehouse. 'I don't think this is a good idea.'_

_'Liv, I love you. I promise you I'll look after you.' He took her hand and held it. 'Just trust me.'_

_She smiled at him. 'I'll always trust you, El.' She squeezed his hand and finally allowed him to lead her into the building._

_As the doors closed the interior of the warehouse vanished and was replaced by a huge, empty bus terminal. There were suitcases and backpacks scattered around, as if everyone there had suddenly vanished. 'Elliot?' Olivia sounded unsure again. 'I'm really not sure about this.'_

_'Olivia, it's fine-' He broke off as he heard a sound from the other side of the building. 'Wait here.' He let go of her hand and set off across the concourse floor._

_He heard her voice receding into the distance behind him. 'El, don't leave me...'_

_On the other side of the terminal he could see a separate waiting room behind a metal door. The bastard had to be in there. He tried the door but it was locked. He took a deep breath, drew his gun and kicked it down._

_There was no one there. Damn, he was so sure... He put his gun away and turned back around to see the vast, empty space stretching out in front of him. Where was Olivia? She'd been right there a second ago. 'Olivia?' He started to walk across the room but it seemed to stretch out further and further with every step he took. 'Olivia?' He felt a rush of panic and began to run. 'Olivia? OLIVIA!'_

_He heard a scream from behind him and whirled around. There was no one there. 'Olivia?' This was all his fault, how could he have left her like that, it was his job to protect her, and he'd promised her... 'Olivia, I'm sorry, where are you?' Which way had he come in? This place seemed to just get bigger every time he looked around. Where were the doors? Why couldn't he see her? Where was she? 'Olivia?' He blinked and suddenly the room was filled with hundreds of people, all rushing around as if they had somewhere to be. He saw Olivia in the distance. She was crying._

_'Liv? OIivia!' He began to push his way through the crowd of people, shoving them out of the way as he forced his way towards her. 'Liv, it's OK, I'm here, I'm coming!' _

_He felt someone knock into him from behind and he fell forwards. As he hit the ground, the crowd vanished. The transit concourse was empty again. Elliot wanted to hit something out of desperation. Where was she?_

_He heard another scream and the empty space became a maze of escalators. Jesus. He began to run, and then a man was there in front of him, two floors up. He was holding Olivia up by the throat, her toes barely touching the ground as she kicked and fought. She was pulling at his arm with both hands and gasping._

_Elliot's stomach turned over and he went for his gun. It wasn't there. What the hell? He heard the man laugh and he looked back up to see him tightening his grip on Olivia's throat. _

_'No, no, please don't hurt her, I swear I'll do anything, PLEASE, Olivia, I need you, I can't live without you, PLEASE DON'T HURT HER! OLIVIA!' He started to run up the escalator but it kept changing direction, and then once he finally got to the top he was somehow further away from her than ever. 'Olivia! Olivia, please! Don't hurt her, I LOVE HER! I need her, please, PLEASE DON'T HURT HER!'_

_Olivia was pulling at the man's arm and kicking, but her movements were becoming increasingly weaker. 'Olivia, no, please, I love you, I'm sorry, I LOVE YOU!' _

_Suddenly, it was Gitano in front of him instead of the strange man. He raised an eyebrow at him, reached behind his back and pulled out a large knife. Elliot felt his stomach lurch. 'Oh God, no, no, please, don't hurt her, I swear I'll do anything, I need her, please, I love her-' _

_Olivia looked at him and blinked. She was still moving but she was slowing down. Her hands were beginning to lose their grip on Gitano's arm. _

_'NO, OLIVIA, HOLD ON! OLIVIA, PLEASE! I LOVE YOU!'_

_Gitano winked, held out the knife and plunged it into her chest. _

_Her eyes widened and her body tensed up. Her mouth began to open and close wordlessly and her kicks weakened until they were barely even spasms._

_'OLIVIA! OLIVIA, NO!'_

_Gitano smiled at Elliot, gripped the knife handle tighter and twisted it, and Olivia stopped kicking. Her arms and legs went limp and her hands slipped away from Gitano's arm to hang loosely at her sides. Her head lolled to one side, a stream of blood coming from the side of her mouth. _

_'NO! NO, OLIVIA, PLEASE! OLIVIA! OLIVIA!'_

'Sshhh, El, I'm here.' Olivia sat up in bed and put her arms around him, stroking the side of his face. 'Elliot, can you hear me?'

_She was just hanging there, completely silent, and then Gitano let her drop and she collapsed awkwardly onto her front, legs bent at the knees and her body twisted unnaturally, and she lay there still and silent at his feet, her eyes open and staring up at the ceiling..._

'Olivia... please... I'm sorry, I need you...'

'El, El, it's OK, I'm here, I'm here.' She kissed his forehead. 'El, it's OK.'

He opened his eyes. 'Liv?'

'Yes, El, it's me.' She smiled at him.

Elliot threw his arms around her and hugged her so tightly that she could barely breathe. 'Liv...' She heard him begin to sob as he buried his face in her hair.

She sighed and stroked his back. She had hoped that, after Natalie's nightmare the week before, he might have felt more able to talk to her about it, but it just kept on getting worse and worse. 'El, it's OK. It's OK.' She kissed him. 'I'm here.'

_**A/N: Thanks for reading! You make my day with all your reviews. I hope you liked this as much as the earlier chapters.  
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_**Also, K444 and edge15684: I accidentally left you out of my list of regulars last time. This does not change the fact that I adore you too.**_


	5. ONE  III

**_A/N: As promised, a new chapter! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, I think between us we've got this story off to a good start!  
><em>**

'Morning, El.'

Elliot stopped and looked up in surprise just in time for Olivia to have pushed past him and locked herself in the bathroom. He cursed. She'd still been asleep when he'd crept out of their bedroom, and Elliot had been quietly looking forward to being able to use the shower uninterrupted that morning. With two women in one apartment with one bathroom, even if one of the women was only four years old, it was rare for him to get in there for more than five minutes at a time without at least one of them pounding on the door and shouting at him. And, even if he did, there was never any hot water left. He sighed. 'I thought you were meant to be off today.'

He heard the shower start up. 'I was, but Fin called me about a new case that just came in. I have to meet him in a half hour.' There was a clatter and a muttered curse from inside the bathroom. 'What time are you meant to be in?'

Elliot looked at his watch. 'In about an hour.'

'Get Nat out of bed for me, will you?'

'What are we going to do with her while you're off at work? I've already told the daycare that we don't need them to take her today.'

'Alex isn't working today. Drop her off over there on your way in. She won't mind.'

'I swear Alex is doing more of raising our daughter than we are...' muttered Elliot.

'What's that, El?'

'Nothing, Liv.' He headed down the hall to Natalie's room. However much he suggested to Olivia that maybe she consider cutting her hours, she never did. This morning was one of the many mornings where it had caused problems.

Natalie was already awake and sitting cross-legged on her bed. She looked up when he came in and beamed. 'Hi Daddy!' She stuck out her arms.

Elliot smiled and scooped her up. 'Hi Nat.' He kissed her on the cheek and ruffled her dark hair. 'You want some breakfast?'

'Mom said she'd make me waffles this morning.' She smiled brightly at him.

Elliot felt a little uncomfortable. 'Well, Mom has to go to work, but I can make you waffles. What kind?'

Natalie pouted. 'Yours aren't as good as Mom's.'

'I make them using the same waffle iron.' Elliot still didn't know why he bothered to argue with his child. Not only was she stubborn, but she had an answer for everything. He was fairly sure that he knew exactly where she'd gotten that from.

'But Mom said she wasn't working today.' Natalie began to pout again, and Elliot could hear the beginnings of a whine creeping into her voice. To be honest, he didn't think he could really blame her for that. 'She promised...'

'I know she did, honey, but something came up.' He kissed her on the cheek again and set her down on the edge of the kitchen counter. 'Blueberry or chocolate?'

Natalie rolled her eyes. 'Duh, chocolate!'

'Of course.' Elliot didn't know why he even bothered to ask. 'Chocolate it is.' He began to search through the cupboard for the waffle iron and chocolate syrup.

Behind him, Olivia dashed into the kitchen and began to search through the clutter on the table for her keys. Natalie broke into a broad smile as soon as she saw her mother. 'Mom!'

'Good morning, honey.' Olivia kissed her daughter on the cheek, and then glanced at Elliot. 'Can you go and get dressed for Mommy, Nat?'

Natalie nodded enthusiastically and Olivia laughed and helped her down off the countertop. 'Good girl.' She stood and watched Natalie running down the hall to her room, and then turned to Elliot.

_Why was she looking at him like that?_ 'Uh... do you want some toast, Liv, I could put some on for you if you'd like?' The toast promptly popped up out of the toaster behind him. _Damn._ 'Um... or you could have some of that toast?'

'No, Elliot. I don't want toast, I want to talk.'

_Uh oh. That was never good. Play it safe. Act innocent_. 'Why?'

'These nightmares you keep having. I'm worried.'

_Thank God, I thought I'd done something wrong._ 'I'm fine, Liv, really. It's just a few bad dreams.'

'Every night, Elliot. It's every night now that I wake up and you're shouting out for me. Lately you've been so distressed that I've actually been afraid for you.'

_Change the subject._ 'I thought you were in a hurry to get to work-'

Olivia cut him off. 'Elliot, I love you. It's awful for me, listening to you and not knowing how I can help make it OK again.'

Now he felt bad. 'Liv, I'm so sorry-'

'Don't be, El. It isn't your fault.' She smiled softly at him, stroked the side of his face and hugged him tightly. He felt her kiss his cheek. 'But please, just tell me what I can do to help, El. It's me. You can tell me anything, remember?'

_Not this._ 'I love you, Olivia.'

He felt her smile against his cheek. 'I love you too.' She pulled away and raised an eyebrow at him. 'But that's not an answer.' He looked away and she sighed. 'Please, El, let me help.'

_You can't._ 'I... I couldn't bear to lose you, Liv.'

She smiled at him again. 'You won't have to.' She leaned in and kissed him softly on the mouth. 'I promise, El, you won't have to.'

'Hi Mom!' Natalie was back. Olivia frowned. Her daughter certainly had an interesting taste in clothes. 'Can I have my breakfast now?'

'Yes, honey.' Olivia ruffled her hair and smiled. She shot Elliot the dreaded 'we'll talk about this later' look. 'Nat, you're spending today with Auntie Alex and Kimmie, is that OK?'

Natalie looked up at her hopefully. 'Are you coming too?'

'No, I'm sorry, honey, I have to work.' Olivia was back into morning rush mode. She found her keys, then looked around and frowned again. 'Dammit, El, have you seen my purse?'

'It's under the couch.' Elliot had a distinct recollection of Natalie hiding it there the night before to keep it safe from Richard Ramirez, who it seemed was now after not only her but also her mother's purse. 'What time do you think you'll be off tonight?'

'I don't know, Fin says it might be a big one.' She picked up Natalie and hugged her. 'Be a good girl for Alex, OK?'

'I will.' Natalie sounded disappointed and both Olivia and Elliot immediately felt bad. They'd have to make it up to her at the weekend.

'Love you, Nat.' Olivia kissed her on the forehead and set her back down on the counter. 'Is Daddy making you a nice breakfast?'

Natalie grinned. 'Chocolate waffles!'

'Very nice.' Olivia reached around Elliot and grabbed a piece of toast. 'Bye, El.' She pressed her lips quickly against his. 'Love you.'

'I love you too.' Elliot smiled at her and she smiled back, grabbed her keys and dashed out of the door.

**_A/N: Thanks for reading, and please drop me a review or two to let me know what you think!_**


	6. TWO

**TWO**


	7. TWO  I

_**A/N: Having a rough day? Luckily for you, my beloved readers, I am, and my solution to this is usually to bash out some new fic in the hope of some validating reviews. Plus, I find a nice kind of escapism in it. Anyway, we're into Two now, and from now on the plot will thicken pretty quick, so I hope you enjoy it! **_

'Olivia, are you sure you wouldn't rather come with me and let Munch go with Fin? I'm sure they won't mind, it might be fun, you know, like old times-'

Olivia cut him off impatiently. 'Elliot, please don't do this. Not again.'

'Do what?'

_You know exactly what._ Olivia rolled her eyes. 'I have to do my job, El, and I can't do it if you keep on doing this to me almost every day. You can't be with me all the time. It just isn't possible.'

'I know, I just thought-'

'El, please.' She sighed. _They really needed to do something about these nightmares._ 'I'll be fine, I promise.'

He put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. 'I know, but I worry.'

'I know you do.' She stroked the side of his face. 'But you don't have to.'

'It's only because I love you.' He kissed the top of her head and looked at Fin. 'You look after her for me.'

Fin looked exasperated. 'You say that to me every day, Elliot, and every day I say the same thing.'

'I know...' He looked down at her face again, kissed her forehead and smiled. 'I love you, Olivia.'

She smiled back and kissed him. 'I love you too.'

Behind them Fin started making gagging noises. Olivia rolled her eyes, stepped away from Elliot and grabbed her bag. 'See you later, El, have fun with Munch chasing the guy who likes old ladies.'

Elliot sighed. Somehow she had ended up going after a gang leader who also happened to like little girls, while he was stuck chasing after an old guy who liked to flash old ladies down in Chinatown. 'I will, Liv. Be careful.'

'You know I will.' She smiled at him, turned and left the room with Fin.

'Hey! Elliot!' Munch was looking at him impatiently. 'You going to stand here and watch your wife's ass all day, or are we going to go look for Mr Weenie Wagger?'

_Why couldn't he have had Fin as a partner? _'Fine, but I'm driving.'

'Like hell you are, it's my turn.' Munch snatched the keys away from him.

Elliot sighed and followed him out to the car. _Maybe if I ask Cragen really nicely he'd let me trade with Liv?_ He suddenly had a mental image of Munch spending all day every day ogling her whenever she wasn't looking. _OK, maybe not. _He still hadn't forgotten about the incident at their wedding rehearsal dinner. It had taken Elliot nearly six months to forgive Munch for that, however drunk he might have been at the time.

'Elliot! Hurry the fuck up!' Munch was standing by the car door tapping his foot impatiently.

'Jeez, fine, I'm coming, I'm coming.' Elliot rolled his eyes, silently cursing all the gods for having sent him Munch as a partner, and got into the car.

_He could see Ryan in front of him through the crowd of people, and he was trying to push and shove his way through but he was just getting further and further away, why was the boy just standing there, why didn't he just RUN-_

_Suddenly he heard a scream from behind him and whirled around. Gitano was there, holding the girl out in front of him like a shield as Olivia tried to get a clean shot at him. Elliot knew she'd be fine. Give it a few minutes and she'd have Gitano in cuffs and the kids would be safe._

_Gitano lunged forward and slashed her throat._

_Elliot's stomach lurched as she clutched at her neck and fell backwards, hitting the floor with a thud. 'OLIVIA!' He ran to her and dropped to his knees beside her. She was gasping, her eyes wide as she grabbed at her throat. He felt her hand weakly grasping his arm. 'Olivia, I-'_

_He heard the scream again and saw Gitano run towards the boy by the escalators, holding the girl under one arm. He looked back down at Olivia. She was blinking rapidly and making choking noises._

_Gitano had the boy by the hand now and was dragging him away up the escalator. Elliot bit his lip. Olivia would want him to go after the boy rather than stay here and hold her hand until an ambulance came. She'd be fine without him for five minutes, he knew she would. _

_As he stood up he felt her hand clutching at his arm before it slipped off. 'El, don't leave me...'_

_Elliot ran after Gitano._

_As he reached the top of the escalators Elliot saw that Fin had Gitano pinned to the ground. The boy and girl were unhurt and being comforted by a member of Port Authority staff. They were safe. Everything was OK. Elliot felt a surge of relief._

_Liv._

_Oh God. He turned and ran back down the escalator, shoving past a group of uniform on their way up. She'd be fine, he knew she would, it was Liv, for God's sake..._

_She was lying flat on her back, one hand resting limply on her chest and the other thrown out towards him. Both were completely soaked with blood. Her eyes were open and staring blankly at the ceiling as she lay in the spreading pool of blood from the deep slash to her throat._

_She was dead._

_NO._

_Elliot couldn't let himself believe it. 'LIV!' He ran to her again, fell to his knees and grabbed her hand. 'Liv? Liv, it's me, it's El, Liv, come on, Liv, come on...' He stroked the side of her face, wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her up and into his arms. 'Liv, please! LIV, I LOVE YOU! LIV, PLEASE, I'M SORRY!'_

_Fin's hands were on his shoulders. 'Elliot, enough.'_

_'NO! NO, OLIVIA! OLIVIA, PLEASE, I LOVE YOU!'_

_Fin tried to pull him back and Elliot shook him off and hugged Olivia even tighter against him, pressing her face into the side of his neck, faintly aware that he could already feel her blood soaking through his shirt. 'OLIVIA! OLIVIA!'_

_Fin began to pull harder. 'Elliot, she's dead.'_

_'NO!' He began to sob. 'Olivia, I LOVE YOU, come on!'_

_Someone else grabbed him and he was being pulled backwards and away from her. She sprawled onto her back again, completely still and silent. 'OLIVIA! NO, I NEED HER! NO, OLIVIA, PLEASE!'_

_Munch and Fin were bending over him and staring down accusingly. 'Where the hell were you, Elliot? 'How could you let this happen?' 'How could you leave her?' 'She was crying for you, Elliot, and you weren't there.' 'Why weren't you there?' 'She would have been there for you, you know that she would.' 'How could you leave her?' 'Yes, Elliot, how?'_

_'OLIVIA! OLIVIA, I'M SORRY!'_

_'Sorry isn't good enough, is it, Elliot, she's still dead and it's still all your fault...'_

_'NO, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE, I SWEAR, I'LL DO ANYTHING, PLEASE! I LOVE YOU!'_

'You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that, Elliot.' Elliot opened his eyes. Munch was leaning in through the window and looking at him with one eyebrow raised. 'And I love you too.'

'Piss off,' muttered Elliot. These dreams were getting too much.

'Charming.' Munch sniffed. 'I was going to say, I'm going to go ask some questions in this restaurant. This lovely young lady-' He gestured at a pretty Chinese girl who was lingering shyly on the sidewalk next to the car '-has kindly offered to introduce me to her coworkers and show me around.' He winked and Elliot shuddered. 'I'll be back soon, Sleeping Beauty.'

Elliot hunched down in his seat and crossed his arms. These dreams... maybe he should talk to someone about them. They were getting worse and worse every time, and the idea that they might be upsetting Olivia too... he resolved to talk to Huang about them as soon as he got the chance. Psychiatry was still a load of old crock, but if it would make her happy, then he would do it.

Suddenly the radio next to him in the car crackled. '...This is Detective Tutuola, Manhattan SVU portable, we have an officer down on the corner of 12th and Washington, repeat we have an officer down...'

Elliot's blood ran cold. 'Jesus Christ.' He glanced around the street but couldn't see Munch anywhere. Fuck it, he could get a cab. Elliot slammed the car into drive and accelerated away down the street.

_**A/N: Thanks for reading, and as ever feel free to send me a review or two! (Like I said, today kind of sucked, I could do with a boost.) Hopefully I'll get a new chapter up soonish so I don't have to leave you all hanging in suspense for weeks... because that would just be unkind.**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews on Paranoia as well - I think I've got seven so far, which if it isn't a record for a single chapter for me then it's definitely close (I'll check at some point.) I'm working hard on the next chapter as we speak!**_


	8. TWO  II

**_A/N: Yes, I updated again! This is actually quite a long chapter too. What can I say, there are advantages of having to go on extended medical leave from college (such as more time to write, more time to sleep, and more time to laugh at my cats doing stupid things.) Anyway, here you are, and if you like it, let me know!_**

Elliot turned onto 12th and saw an ambulance and the usual gaggle of onlookers, and then he finally saw Fin, standing a little further up the sidewalk. He hit the brakes, jumped out and ran towards him. 'Fin, where is she, what happened?'

Fin looked up and saw him. 'Elliot, thank God, I've been trying to reach you, you weren't answering your phone...'

'Uh, yeah, Natalie took it apart yesterday trying to find the voices.' Elliot shook his head. That wasn't important. 'Where's Liv? Is she OK?' The horrible thought pushed forward again. 'Is she dead?'

'God, no.' Fin looked surprised. 'Elliot, she's fine, I was just trying to call you to...'

'To what? Where is she?' Elliot was looking around but he couldn't see her anywhere.

'El?' Her voice was coming from behind the crowd of people around the ambulance, and Elliot was immediately shoving them out of the way to get to her.

An EMT was about to close the doors. 'Sir, you can't-'

'She's my wife.' Elliot pushed the EMT out of the way impatiently. 'Liv?'

She was sitting on the end of the stretcher inside the ambulance, slumped against the wall and wearing an oxygen mask. She pulled it down and smiled weakly at him. 'Hi, El.'

'What happened?' He climbed up into the ambulance, sat next to her and put his arm around her. 'Are you OK?'

'I'm fine, but they won't...' She looked dizzy. 'I...' She closed her eyes.

The EMT who had tried to stop him stepped up with them and closed the doors as the ambulance started to move. Elliot looked at him. 'What happened?'

'She collapsed,' explained the EMT, shooting Olivia a stern look and fitting the oxygen mask back over her mouth. 'She and her partner were walking down the street and she said she didn't feel well, and then she just collapsed in the middle of the sidewalk.'

'Jesus, Liv.' Elliot hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.

The EMT smiled at him. 'It's OK, your wife's fine. We're just going to take her to the hospital to do some quick tests just to make sure everything's OK, but there's nothing to worry about.'

Olivia nodded and murmured something, and Elliot put his arm around her. 'I'm here, Liv, it's OK.' He began to stroke her hair, and then took her hand and held it as she laid her head on his shoulder.

By the time they finally saw a doctor in the ER, Olivia felt fine again. She fidgeted impatiently. _There was no need for her to be here, damn Fin and his overreacting..._

'Mrs Benson?' A doctor appeared around the side of the curtain.

'Stabler,' said Elliot. 'It's Mrs Stabler.'

Olivia shot him a look. 'No, it's Ms Benson.'

Elliot sighed. The first sign that Olivia was feeling better was when she started being argumentative again. 'OK, it's Ms Benson. For now, anyway.' He felt he needed to explain. 'She never got around to changing it, you see, but we are married. We're not, you know, living in sin or anything like that.' _Oh my God, he sounded like his grandmother._ Olivia was staring at him open-mouthed_. That sounded really bad. Quick, think of something to say. Something that doesn't make you sound like a prudish madman._ 'Not that there's anything wrong with that, you know, just living together, but we are married. Just so you know.' _Congratulations, I think you made it worse._ 'But that's not important.'

'OK...' The doctor appeared to be wondering exactly what he'd walked into. 'Well, Ms Benson, just a few quick questions for you while we wait for your bloods to come back, if that's OK.'

Olivia nodded. 'Yes, that's fine.' _What the hell was Elliot going on about?_

'You told the EMTs that you felt fine all day today?'

_Maybe he was high. No, that's stupid. He's just insane. _'Um, yes, that's right, I've been fine.'

'You were exhausted this morning,' pointed out Elliot. 'It took me 45 minutes to get you out of bed, and then you fell asleep twice on the way to work.'

_He was one to talk, him and his goddamn nightmares..._ 'Well, yes, I've been very tired, but that's to be expected, I mean, I'm working 13 hour days...' _And you're keeping me up all night, every night. And not in the good way._

The doctor made a note on Olivia's file. 'And is this tiredness a regular thing, or was it just this morning?'

Olivia thought about it. 'Well, it's not been that bad...'

'You've been a nightmare in the mornings lately,' said Elliot.

'What the hell is that meant to mean?' _I'm not the one who swears at the shower and threw the toaster at the wall last week._

'She's impossible to get out of bed, and when she does get up, she's a grumpy harridan for the first few hours.' Elliot doubted that this was medically significant, but it felt pretty damn good to finally be able to say it after weeks of hiding from his wife on her more difficult mornings. He could see Olivia glaring at him out of the corner of his eye, and pretended not to notice. Significant or not, he knew that he'd be paying for this later.

The doctor finished writing and looked up. 'Other than the tiredness, was anything else bothering you today?'

Olivia shook her head. 'No.'

'What about recently? Any new symptoms, things you've noticed that might have changed?'

'Well, not really...'

'What does 'not really' mean, Ms Benson?'

'Well...' Olivia shifted uncomfortably and glanced at Elliot. 'I've, you know...' She sighed. 'I've had really irregular periods the past six months, and with that and the tiredness, I wondered if I was maybe starting the menopause...'

Elliot sat up straight. 'What? You're too young for that!'

'I'm 48 years old, El.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because I didn't want you to worry...' _And I was upset. This wasn't what I wanted. I wasn't ready for it yet. I thought I had more time._

Elliot stroked her hand. 'You should have told me, Liv...'

'Just to clarify, Ms Benson, when was your last menstrual period?' The doctor was making notes again. 'One week ago? Two weeks? Three?'

'Well, I missed the one last month, and the one this month is about ten days late so far, so I'd say... 8 or 9 weeks ago maybe?'

The doctor nodded and looked up. 'OK, well, if that's it, then I'll go and chase up your tests, and hopefully you can go home soon, does that sound good?'

Olivia nodded. 'Yes, it sounds wonderful.' She really hated hospitals.

'OK. You sit tight, Ms Benson, I'll be right back.' The doctor smiled at her before disappearing back around the curtain.

There was an awkward silence.

'You should have told me, Liv.'

Olivia looked down at her knees. 'I know, El, I'm sorry.' _I just didn't want to believe it._

'What are we sorry about?' Munch stuck his head around the edge of the curtain. 'Elliot, real nice to see you again.'

'Yeah, sorry about that, John, I was worried about Liv, and...' _And you were off being a perv._ 'And you were doing something important.'

'No worries. I called up Fin and he said you guys were here, so I figured I'd come on down and see how you were doing.' He paused. 'Fin's waiting outside, by the way. He thought it'd be weird for us to come in and say hi.' Munch rolled his eyes. 'I said of course it won't be weird, we've known each other for years, and Elliot's my partner now!'

Olivia smiled politely. 'Well, it's always nice to see you.' _Now fuck off._

'Likewise.' Munch settled himself down in one of the visitor chairs. 'So, uh, are there any nurses around?'

_Oh God, now he'll never leave._ 'No.'

'OK.' He settled back into the chair and Olivia's heart sank. 'So, what's up?'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'Personal issues.'

'Such as?'

_How could she make him go away? Make him feel uncomfortable._ 'Periods.'

Munch seemed unperturbed. 'Really?'

_Dammit._ 'Uh, John, you know, I'm fine. There's no need to worry about me.' _Like that's the reason you're here_. _I've seen the magazines that you hide in your locker._ 'I really don't mind if you want to leave.'

'Why would I want to leave?'

Elliot stepped in. 'Uh, because, um... didn't you have to be somewhere?'

Munch shook his head. 'Nope, why?'

_Hang on, I know exactly what'll make him squirm._ Olivia smiled casually. 'Hey, John, do you remember when Elliot and I got married?'

'Of course.' Munch paused thoughtfully. 'Well, most of it.' He shrugged. 'All the best bits, anyway.'

She raised her eyebrows. 'Do you remember what happened at the rehearsal dinner?'

A look of realisation dawned on Munch's face. 'On second thoughts, maybe I do have to go somewhere.'

_'So, Olivia...' Munch had casually put his arm across the back of her chair. 'Do you believe in sex before marriage?'_

_Olivia looked pointedly over at Elliot, who was bouncing a happily gurgling Natalie on his knee. 'You could say so, yes.'_

_Munch looked around quickly and leaned in. 'With me?'_

_Olivia's jaw dropped. 'ELLIOT!'_

Elliot bristled. He still hadn't completely forgiven his new partner for that.

'Oh, hi, I didn't know someone else had arrived.' The doctor reappeared around the curtain. He smiled at Munch. 'Are you Ms Benson's father?'

Munch looked horrified and Olivia burst into fits of laughter. 'Oh, good God, I needed that...'

'Thanks.' Munch looked at the floor, his cheeks steadily turning a dark shade of red. 'I'm glad I helped.'

The doctor looked a little puzzled, but decided to press on regardless. 'So, the blood tests are all clean, no problems at all, so you're fine to go home.'

Elliot smiled at Olivia and squeezed her hand. 'That's great-'

'But,' the doctor looked up from his notes. 'There is one other thing.'

Elliot felt sick. 'What?'

'After I spoke with you, I decided to run another test.' The doctor smiled. 'She's pregnant.'

There was a stunned silence.

'Jeez, Elliot, give someone else a turn in the gene pool!' said Munch.

Olivia shot him a dirty look. 'Weren't you leaving, Dad?'

Munch glared. 'Yes. Yes I was.' He gave her one last reproachful look. 'I hope the new baby takes after me, dear.'

Olivia shuddered as he finally left. She suddenly felt as if a curse had been put on her. A creepy Munch curse. And she had a feeling that those were probably some of the worst.

'There must be some kind of mistake,' said Elliot. 'I mean, she's using the contraceptive Pill-'

Olivia cut him off. 'Are you absolutely sure that I'm pregnant?' _Because the pregnancy test that I took last month came back negative. _

The doctor nodded. 'Absolutely. According to the levels of hormones in your blood, I'd say you were around 8 - 10 weeks.'

Olivia tried and failed not to smile. 'Wow.' _Careful, don't sound too excited yet._ 'That's just... wow.'

'Well, that I was not expecting.' Elliot still looked a little shellshocked. 'Liv, I thought you were taking the Pill...'

'Well, I was, but...' Olivia trailed off. _Sound convincing. You've practiced this enough_. 'I... you know, it was really busy at work, and I forgot to get a couple of refills, and then when I did I didn't always remember to take them...' _Not deliberately, of course, it just sort of slipped my mind once in a while. You know, like on every day for the past six months.._ She bit her lip. 'But it's really exciting, isn't it, El?' She looked at him nervously. _He'll be happy. I know he will._ 'Isn't it?'

He looked at her and broke into a wide smile. 'Of course it is.' He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. 'Liv, it's fantastic.'

_Thank God._ 'I love you, El.' _I love you so, so much, you have no idea..._

Elliot laughed and kissed her. 'I love you too.' He hugged her again. 'This is fantastic, Liv, it's just... fantastic.' He smiled at her and stroked the side of her face. 'If a little bit unexpected.'

Olivia smiled and kissed him again.

**_A/N: Yeah, after Aftermath my one major regret was that I never got to do more of the pregnancy thing in detail because of the way it was structured, and plus I got to thinking that, knowing Olivia, she would want more than just the one baby. Elliot though I wasn't so sure about at first (he does already have a ridiculous quantity of children) but then I figured that, once it actually came down to it, he'd be really excited. And to be honest I think Olivia maybe figured out the same thing... Anyway, enough overanalysing of my own writing! I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll get a start on the next chapter just as soon as I know you guys' thoughts on this one, so please, send me a review or two! (Also, my 'Paranoia' readers - the next chapter is pretty much writing itself. The wait may be nearly over, my E/O fiends.)_**


	9. TWO  III

_**A/N: Yes, it's my second update on this story in three days! What can I say, I'm kind of bored. Turns out after the first week or so of being on leave from college, it gets a little old. Anyway, since I've been holding out on you for so long on Paranoia, I figured I'd give you a little something here... enjoy.  
><strong>_

**_EXTRA NOTE: Because the site is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap. Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!_**

TWO - III

'Natalie's asleep.' Elliot sighed. 'It only took five chapters of Nancy Drew and quite a lot of bargaining with her.' He sat down beside Olivia on the couch and hugged her.

'And soon we get to do it all again...' Olivia cuddled up against him.

'I can't wait.' Elliot smiled. 'Neither can I.' He kissed her forehead. 'Do you remember when Natalie was tiny?'

She laughed. 'Of course I do, I wasn't that sleep deprived.' _Though I was pretty damn close._'She was so stubborn.'

'She still is.' Olivia smiled. 'Her first word was 'no.''

'I know, I remember how much you laughed.' Elliot began to stroke her hair. 'What I remember most though is the way looked at you... the way she STILL looks at you... it was as if she thought that she had won the mom lottery.' He kissed the top of her head. 'And you know what, Liv? She did. She really did.'

'Do you remember how you used to carry her up and down the hallway for hours when she woke up during the night?' Olivia took his hand and rested her head against his chest. 'She loved that. No one else was good enough, not even me. Only Dad got to do the late-night hallway walks.'

Elliot laughed. 'Yeah, I still think that you had something to do with that, although I'm not sure how you can bribe a two-month-old.'

'It wasn't easy.'

Elliot smiled and kissed the top of her head again. 'She was a very smart kid though, even at that age. Do you remember when she figured out how to turn the pages of her picture books before she could even hold her own head up?'

'Well, that was clearly your fault for not reading it to her fast enough.'

Elliot sighed. 'It's true, I was a terrible, terrible father.' He laughed. 'To be fair, at the time I had no idea that we had the next great child genius on our hands.'

Olivia chewed her lip thoughtfully and began to stroke his palm with her thumb. 'I had some idea.'

Elliot elbowed her in the ribs. 'You did not.'

'I did,' protested Olivia. 'It was the way she watched you, the way her eyes followed you around... you could tell that she was something special, even then.'

He kissed her again. 'To be fair, we are a little bit biased.'

Olivia laughed. 'Well, maybe a little.' She looked up at him. 'Elliot...' Her eyes were shining with excitement. 'Can you believe we get to have another one?'

Elliot smiled. 'Liv, there will never be another Natalie. That girl is one of a kind.'

'Thank God, I don't think the world could take two of her.' She laughed again. 'But you know what I mean, El.'

'I know.' He smiled and kissed her. 'I missed everything when you had Natalie, but this time, I won't. This time, I'll go to everything with you... it'll be, well...'

'Like it should have been the first time.' Olivia smiled up at him.

He pulled her in closer. 'Yes, like it should have been the first time.' He leaned in and pressed his lips against her mouth. He felt her smile. 'I love you, Olivia.'

'I love you too.' She stroked his cheek.

He smoothed her hair back off her face and kissed her forehead.'I'm so lucky to have you, Liv.' 'You're damn right you are.' She wrapped both arms around his back and pulled him down on top of her, kissing him harder.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!**_


	10. TWO  IV

_**A/N: The fourth chapter of Part 2 is finally up... next week, the first chapter of Part 3! Let me know what you all think so far, and hey, I'm building on my recently discovered confidence with more of that smut that you all know and love (and, to be fair, so do I.) You also get a bit of backstory, so let me know what you think of that too.**_

_**EXTRA NOTE: Because the site is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap. **_

_**Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!**_

'It'll be so nice for Nat to have someone to play with...' Elliot stroked Olivia's back absent-mindedly. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her hair tickling his ear, and her left arm was draped across his chest, her hand clasped around his. 'Do you think it'll be a girl or a boy?'

Olivia laughed and kissed his shoulder. 'I don't know, El. What do you think?'

He thought about it. 'A boy.'

'You think it'll be a boy?' She looked up and smiled at him. 'Why?'

'I don't know, maybe I'm just desperately hoping for an ally in a house full of women...'

She laughed softly. 'Maybe.' She stroked the palm of his hand with her thumb. 'You know, Natalie's looking more like you every day.'

'Really?' Elliot was surprised. He'd always thought that his dark-haired, dark-eyed daughter was the image of her mother.

She tilted her chin up so her lips were brushing his cheek. 'Yes. She has your pale skin, and your eyes, even if they're dark brown rather than blue.' He felt her smile against the side of his face. 'And she's just as stubborn as you are.'

Elliot laughed and kissed Olivia's forehead. 'I always thought she got that from you.'

Olivia thought about it. 'Yeah... that's possible too.' She kissed him on the cheek and snuggled back against him, pressing her face into the side of his neck.

'It'll be great,' he said quietly. 'Just you, and me, and Nat, and... and...'

'Shrimp,' said Olivia.

'...Shrimp?'

'Until we find out if it's a he or a she, I think Shrimp is a good name.'

'OK, Shrimp it is. 'He smiled. 'We'll have to start looking at finding a bigger place.'

Olivia paused. 'We will?'

Elliot craned his neck to look at her. 'Well, yes. This apartment's barely big enough for us and Nat, let alone... uh... Shrimp.'

She looked doubtful. 'I don't know...' _This apartment is mine... I like it..._

'I mean, Liv, I know you didn't want to leave your place when you had Natalie, and that was fine, even if I thought it would have been nice to raise her somewhere a bit quieter than Manhattan, but with a new baby, we'll need the space.' _And there's no way that I'm raising any child of mine in the city any longer than I have to._

'Well, I suppose we could try and find a three bedroom somewhere else in the building...' _And thanks for asking me first, by the way. Knowing that you've made all these life-changing decisions without me is just such a massive turn on. Not._

He sighed impatiently. _She really needs to get over this funny thing she has about leaving Manhattan._ 'No, Olivia. I mean a proper house. With a garden, and somewhere we can put some swings, and a street where Natalie and the baby can ride their bikes.'

'Wow, you've really thought about this.' Olivia wasn't sure what she thought about that. _Especially that he didn't seem to have considered her or what she might want at all._

'I like to think about our future together.' He hugged her tightly. 'Don't you?'

She smiled and her voice softened. 'Of course I do. I'm just not sure that now is the time to be talking about moving house.' _In fact, I'm not going to leave my apartment, ever, so you might as well just drop it now._

He nodded. 'You're right. I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm just really excited about this.' He kissed her forehead. 'I love you, Olivia.'

'I love you too.' She laughed and snuggled up closer to him. 'But you know, El, you really ought to stop making life-changing decisions like this.'

'Like what?'

She raised an eyebrow at him. 'In bed.'

'No, I meant what decisions have I made like this?'

Olivia burst out laughing. 'Elliot, do you not remember how you proposed?'

_Oh yes, that._ 'No, that was different, I'd already planned everything...'

_'Liv, our dinner reservations are in twenty minutes!' Elliot would never understand how his girlfriend could spend so long getting ready when she looked fine to begin with. He fidgeted nervously with the ring box in his pocket. He'd been planning this for weeks, made the reservations, chosen the ring, arranged for their four-month-old daughter to stay with her godmother, but now that it was actually time, he was beginning to worry that it was all going to go wrong. He hammered on the bathroom door. 'Liv!'_

_Suddenly the door opened and she was standing there laughing at him. 'Jeez, El, calm down, you know the table won't be ready for ages yet anyway...' She trailed off. 'What? Why are you looking at me like that?' She fingered the dark green chiffon fabric of her dress nervously. 'Should I change?'_

_'No...' Elliot stroked the side of her face. 'You're so beautiful, Olivia.'_

_She smiled and kissed him. 'Look at you in your nice suit.' She brushed a speck of dust off one shoulder. 'I thought you only ever wore this for weddings and funerals.'_

_'Well, I decided to make an exception.' He smiled back and put his arms around her waist. 'I love you, Olivia.'_

_She kissed him again. 'I love you too.' She paused thoughtfully. 'When did you say our reservations were again?'_

_He looked at his watch. '8 minutes.'_

_She glanced over at their bed and raised an eyebrow at him. 'How late do you think we could be and still get away with it?" _

_Oh God... 'Uh, I don't know, it's a really popular restaurant...' And I made the reservations four months ago, not last Friday like you think I did. 'Maybe we should wait until we get back...'_

_She was kissing the side of his neck. 'Really?'_

_He bit his lip. 'Yes, really.'_

_He felt her breath on his ear. 'But I don't want to wait, Elliot...' Her hands were inside his suit jacket, rumpling the fabric of his shirt._

_Oh God, neither do I... 'Oh, Olivia...' No, wait, her hands, she's going to find the ring! Elliot jumped away from her and Olivia blinked in shock. 'El?'_

_'Nothing, it's...' Think fast, Elliot. 'I just... didn't want the suit jacket to get creased.' He draped it over the back of a chair. 'That's all.'_

_She laughed. 'My God, but you're in a funny mood tonight.' She smiled at him and pulled him in to kiss her again. 'Tell you what, El, I promise I'll be quick.' She winked at him. 'Sound good?' He felt her take hold of his hand and slide it up her thigh and under her skirt. 'If it helps at all, I'm not wearing any underwear...'_

_'Oh, Olivia...' He buried his face in the side of her neck and let her pull him backwards onto their bed. He began to kiss her neck, working up towards her mouth, and felt her stroke the side of his face. She smiled up at him, her cheeks flushed and the elaborate hairdo that had taken her 45 minutes to construct in the bathroom tangled against the bedspread. 'Liv, your hair...' _

_'The hell with my hair, Elliot.' She yanked the jewelled clip out and dropped it on the floor. 'Kiss me again.' She wrapped her arms around him pressed herself tightly against him as he kissed her. _

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><p><em>He felt her hand on the back of his neck and she was kissing him, harder this time, her other hand up and under his shirt as she ran it over his back. 'Oh God, Liv... Liv...' He could taste her. 'Olivia...'<em>

_'Oh, El...' She kissed him again, beginning to lift her hips. 'Oh, I love you...'_

_'Oh, Olivia...' He hugged her tightly, pressing his forehead against hers. 'Olivia... marry me...' Oh shit._

_Olivia froze and looked at him. 'Excuse me?'_

_'Um...' There was no way to get out of this. 'Olivia, uh... will you marry me?'_

_She just stared. 'Are you joking?'_

_He tried a tentative smile. 'Do you really think that I would joke in this position?'_

_She raised her eyebrows at him. 'To be honest, especially in this position...'_

_'Well, I'm not.' He smiled at her and stroked the side of her face. 'Olivia, I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. Will you marry me?'_

_'Well, to be honest with you, I'd always imagined sitting with you on a bench in Central Park, holding hands, and then you getting down on one knee... rather than lying on my back in our unmade bed, with my dress hiked up and my legs in the air.' She laughed and kissed him. 'But yes, El, I will.' _

_'Really?' Elliot could barely believe it._

_'Yes, really.' She paused and wrinkled her nose. 'But I'm not sure I want to know where you're keeping the ring right now.'_

_He laughed. 'It's in my jacket pocket. I was going to propose at dinner tonight but someone distracted me.' He smiled, leaned in and kissed her. 'Want to see it?'_

_She smiled at him and raised an eyebrow. 'Isn't there something else we could be doing?'_

_'Well, um, to be honest, probably not for a few more minutes, no.' Elliot could feel himself turning red. 'The whole, uh, proposal thing got me a bit nervous.'_

_Olivia burst out laughing. 'OK, El, if you insist.' She kissed him again as he sat up and went to retrieve his jacket from the chair. He bent over it, rifling through the pockets, and finally produced a small blue velvet box. He turned around, took a step forward and began to kneel down. There was a loud rip from the back of his trousers. 'Oh, crap...'_

_Olivia laughed harder. 'Don't worry about it, El, I think any shot at romance is gone here...'_

_He smiled at her. 'Never.' He shuffled forward on one knee. 'Olivia, now that I am no longer... um... literally inside you, and we are both slightly more dignified... will you marry me?' He opened the box and held it up to her._

_'Oh, Elliot...' The ring was a pale gold, with a large emerald set between two smaller diamonds and surrounded by a scrolled pattern. 'It's lovely...'_

_'Do you see the crown and the hands?' He pointed them out. 'And the emerald's heart-shaped setting?'_

_She nodded._

_'It's a version of a Claddagh ring. It's Irish, and if you wear it on this finger...' He took it out of the box and slid it onto her left ring finger '...it means that you're engaged.' He smiled and kissed her. 'The hands stand for friendship, the crown stands for loyalty...' He kissed her again. 'And the heart stands for love.' He smiled. 'I thought that that summed up our whole relationship pretty well, don't you?'_

_'I do.' Olivia bit her lip. 'I love you, Elliot.'_

_He smiled and kissed her again. 'I love you too, Olivia.'_

'I remember that.' Olivia kissed his shoulder and held up her hand to look at her ring. 'We never did get to that restaurant, did we?'

Elliot laughed. 'No, we did not.' He kissed her forehead. 'But I think that we had a lot more fun at home by ourselves.'

Olivia sighed. 'We'll have a lot less alone time after Shrimp's born.'

'We will, but it will be worth it. I can't wait.' Elliot smiled. 'I love you, Olivia.'

'I love you too.' She reached up and turned his face towards her. 'And I can't wait to spend the next seven months doing this with you.' She leaned in and pressed her lips against his mouth. 'Starting with the first scan next month.'

_**A/N: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!**_


	11. THREE

**THREE**


	12. THREE  I

_**A/N: We're into the third month now, so only six more to go... are you all excited to see what happens?**_

'You're home late.'

Elliot sighed. He'd hoped she might already be asleep. 'I'm sorry, Liv, there was a big incident up by Central Park and me and Munch were stuck there for hours.' He walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. 'How's things?'

'Not much.' Olivia smiled and went to the refrigerator. 'I wrapped up some of the pizza from earlier for you.'

'Now this, this is why I love you.' Elliot came up behind her and wrapped both arms around her middle, kissing her neck. 'How's Shrimp?'

'Shrimp is just fine.' She put her hands on his wrists and held his palms flat against her stomach. 'No more morning sickness, and I still fit in to my usual work pants.' She laughed. 'Well, almost.'

'That's great.' He kissed her cheek, and then reluctantly let her go so that she could take the cold pizza out of the refrigerator. 'Is Nat asleep?'

'She was.' Olivia rolled her eyes. 'But you know Nat. She's never asleep for long.'

'It's true.' Elliot smiled. 'It's what comes of having such a clever kid. She doesn't want to miss anything.' He stood for a minute and watched Olivia unwrapping the tinfoil and transferring slices of pizza onto an oven tray. 'You know, I think I'll go and look in on her.'

'Elliot, if she's asleep-' Olivia turned and stopped when she saw the look in his eyes. 'What happened at work today, El? Tell me.'

He looked away. 'Nothing, Liv, I just...'

Olivia reached up, put one hand against his cheek and turned his face back towards her. 'El. It's me. Tell me.'

He sighed. 'There was this... in Harlem... four little girls were having a sleepover party at one of their apartments when one of the girls' fathers showed up. He was high on God knows what. He tried to take his daughter home and she didn't want to go...' He broke off mid-sentence and covered his eyes with one hand, taking a few deep breaths. Olivia took his other hand and held it. He sighed, moved his hand away from his face and looked at her. 'He pulled a .38 and shot her in the head. His own daughter.' His voice caught in his throat. 'His own daughter, and she was only five, Liv, only a year older than Nat is, and-'

'El, it's OK.' She stroked the side of his face. 'I understand.' She wrapped her arms around his back and hugged him tightly. 'Go and look in on Nat. I'm sure she'd love to see you.'

She felt him kiss the top of her head. 'I love you, Olivia.'

She looked up at his face and kissed him. 'I love you too. Now go in and see our daughter before I finish heating this up.'

For once in her life, Natalie was asleep, and Elliot was actually slightly disappointed. He had been looking forward to chatting with her a little. Instead he stood in the doorway and watched her sleeping, curled up in a ball around her toy dog. He sighed. He couldn't believe that he'd nearly allowed himself to miss all of this, but this time would be different. Not only would he be there for everything, but he would make sure that it was done right. _Now you just have to make Liv see things your way. Oh yeah, because that'll be easy._ He rolled his eyes. Although his wife's willful nature was something he'd always loved about her, it did mean that she wasn't exactly easy to reason with.

Back in the kitchen, Olivia had taken the pizza out of the oven and was sitting at the table, chewing on a large slice of pepperoni. He kissed her forehead, took a slice of pizza and sat down next to her. 'She's still asleep.'

'Really? Wow.' Olivia chewed thoughtfully. 'Alex must have kept her really busy today.'

'Yeah...' Elliot tried to think of the best way to phrase this in a way that wouldn't make her angry. 'Liv, have you thought any more about maybe taking a desk job with more regular hours? Just until the baby's born? Or, you know, maybe a little bit longer than that?'

She stopped chewing and put down her slice of pizza. 'We've talked about this, Elliot.'

'I just... I worry about you, Liv. and I'd be happier if I knew you were safe inside and not out on the street with all the... all the awfulness I see every day.' _I wish I could say that today was the worst, but we both know that it wasn't even close. _'I just hate the idea of your putting yourself in danger every single day.'

'I did that for years before I married you, Elliot.'

'Yes, but that was different, I was with you, I could protect you myself, I didn't have to trust someone else to do it. I miss us partnering together.'

She frowned. 'I understand, but it'd be inappropriate for us to work together now that-'

'Olivia, I know. I just think that now that you're pregnant, you ought to look into doing something less active and, you know, less risky.' He smiled at her, reached across the table and took her hand. 'If you took a desk job with fewer hours, then you could spend more time with Nat too.' _And protect her from the awful things out there._ 'Please, Olivia, I'd be so much happier knowing that you were here at home with her.'

'Elliot, I love my job. I can't work on a desk, can you imagine how dull it would be?'

'Olivia... we both know the field has been getting to you even more lately. How many times have I sat and held you while you cried about something that had happened that day at work?'

'That doesn't mean I can't take it, Elliot.' She snatched her hand away from him. 'What, do you think I'm weak?'

'God no.' It was all he could do not to laugh at the thought. 'It's not about being weak, it's more that I worry about you. I couldn't live without you, Olivia.'

'Elliot, you won't have to.' She sounded impatient, but her expression had softened a little. 'Is this about the nightmares? I know you're still having them.'

_Shit._ 'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Elliot, I sleep in the same bed as you. You can't hide something like that from me.' She leaned over and took his hand again. 'Look, I'm scheduled off tomorrow for my first scan. So are you.'

He sighed. _If only._ 'No, Liv, I'm not. I couldn't get it approved with 1PP. Too much of a case backlog for both of us to be off at once, especially with that flu making everyone sick right now.'

'Well, I spoke to the higher-ups myself and pulled in a favour. They still owed me for that thing with Anne Gillette, especially since they never did buy me another shirt.' She smiled. 'My scan's not until three. We can spend the whole day at home tomorrow and relax a little, and talk all this over then, OK?'

He broke into a smile and stroked her hand. 'We get to see our baby tomorrow.'

She nodded and smiled back. 'We do.'

**_A/N: What did you think? Send me a quick review and let me know!_**

**_Also, in the next couple of days I'm going to be uploading the first chapter of a new story, so keep an eye out for that. It'll be quite a lot darker and heavier than this, so it'll have an M rating, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway._**


	13. THREE  II

_**A/N: There's not really much I can say about this one, but I just wanted to thank my lovely regulars and reviewers for this story - K444, Elliotandoliviababies, edge15684, Paula100, ashleysvureader - I hope you liked this one as much as you seem to have liked the other chapters. It's a fairly sweet chapter this week, mostly because one of my other stories has a seriously nasty one going up tomorrow and there's only so much darkness one girl can handle in one go... but anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and send me a quick review to let me know what you think!**_

Elliot checked his watch for what must have been the hundredth time that morning. 'Liv, it's less than ten minutes until we get to see Shrimp!'

Olivia secretly thought that he was even more excited than she was. For one thing, he hadn't let go of her hand once since they'd arrived at the hospital. She squeezed his hand and smiled at him. 'I know.'

'I can't believe I missed all this the first time round...' Elliot shook his head. He'd never stop kicking himself for that. 'And I can't believe I made you go through all this on your own, Liv. I am so sorry, I really am-'

'I didn't have to 'go through' anything, I loved every minute of being pregnant, even when you were being an asshole.' Olivia laughed. 'And anyway, I wasn't on my own.' She smiled. When she'd had Natalie's 12-week scan, and Alex had come with her, it hadn't occurred to either of them how it might look for them to be there together until they were already in the waiting room and getting disapproving looks from several other couples. She and Alex had just exchanged a look, grinned and started to very obviously hold hands, although it wasn't until Alex had given her an exuberant kiss on the cheek that they both finally cracked up laughing. 'I had Alex, remember?'

'Yes, but I'm so glad I'm here now.' He smiled and kissed her.

Olivia smiled and began to stroke the back of his hand with her thumb. 'I'm glad you're here too.'

'Benson?' A woman in hospital scrubs appeared from one of the side rooms with a clipboard. Olivia felt Elliot tense up for a second, and she sighed. He really had to get over this whole problem he had with her keeping her maiden name. It wasn't anything personal, lots of people did it nowadays, and besides, she would change it, she just hadn't had a chance yet... 'Benson? Olivia Benson?'

Elliot elbowed her gently in the side. 'Wake up, Liv, that's you.'

'I do know my own name, Elliot.' That came out a little harsher than it was intended. _All the hormones and the excitement must be getting to me_. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand to show that she didn't mean it, but he didn't really look convinced. _Fine, be that way, you miserable sod._ She stood and pulled him to his feet. 'Are you ready to see our child for the first time?'

That made him smile. 'Of course I am.' He put up a hand to stop her as she went to head towards the side room. 'Olivia, I know that this is a weird time to say it, but I wanted to make sure you knew before, well, before we saw the baby, and I waited and waited but I just couldn't find the right time...' He took a deep breath. 'Whatever it is you're dealing with right now, whatever it is that's bothering you - please, just tell me, and we will work it out. I love you, and I just want you to be happy, OK?'

She smiled back. 'OK.' She jerked her head towards the now impatient hospital worker staring at them from across the room and tapping her foot irritably. 'Come on, El, it's time to see our baby.'

The sonographer was brisk and efficient, ushering them both quickly into the room and closing the door. 'Lie on the bed and pull your shirt up for me, please.'

Olivia sat on the edge of the bed, kicked off her shoes and swung her legs up, settling back against the plain hospital pillow and pulling up the hem of her top. She felt the woman tug the waistband of her jeans down before the cold ultrasound gel was applied to her stomach. Elliot had sat down beside her, still holding her hand, and suddenly she realised that there was something she hadn't said outside. 'I love you too, El.'

He smiled, leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. 'I know you do.'

The sonographer cleared her throat and abruptly pressed the probe against Olivia's stomach. A grainy black and white image flashed up on the screen as she moved it around. 'OK, kids, there's your baby.'

Olivia's breath caught in her throat. Beside her she felt Elliot squeeze her hand tightly as he began to stroke her hair. 'Look, Liv.'

'I know.' She bit her lip and the sonographer flashed her a quick smile and a wink.

'Here's the heartbeat.' She pointed something out on the monitor. 'It's good and strong, so no worries there.'

Olivia hadn't wanted to admit that the fact that she was an older mother had had her worried. She finally let herself relax a little, watching the grainy shapes on the monitor as Elliot stroked her hair. He leaned in and kissed the top of her head as she stared at the screen, and she felt him beginning to trace circles across the palm of her hand with his thumb.

The sonographer moved the probe around more. 'So, the crown-rump length is about 5.1cm, which gives a gestatational age of slightly less than 12 weeks.' She began to look through her notes. 'It says here that your doctor recommended a nuchal scan?'

'We don't want one,' said Olivia quickly.

'Are you sure? Because given your relatively advanced age, it might be a good idea, and to go straight to amniocentesis and its risk of miscarriage-'

'No.' Olivia had already made this decision, back before Natalie was born, when the relatively high possibility of her having a child with a genetic problem had first been mentioned. 'I don't care what any tests show, I'm keeping the baby anyway.'

'We're Catholic,' interrupted Elliot quickly.

Olivia shot him a look. _Why did he have to do this every time? _'That has nothing to do with it, El. I'm keeping it because that's my child!'

'It's our child,' muttered Elliot pointedly. Sometimes she seemed to forget that.

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'OK, then that's OUR child, but I'm not going to just kill it because it's not quite perfect, Catholic or not!'

'Sssh, Liv, it's OK, you know that that's not what I meant.' Elliot sighed and kissed her forehead. He knew that she'd been worrying about what might go wrong ever since she'd found out that she was pregnant, however much she had tried to hide it from him. 'And if it's ours, Liv, then it will be perfect.' He stroked her hair and smiled at her.

She smiled back, pulled him in and kissed him. 'It will.' She turned back to the sonographer. 'We're not going to have the nuchal scan, whatever the doctor thinks. It doesn't matter to me what it says.'

'Well, that's, uh, admirable.' The sonographer made a notation in Olivia's file and put it aside. 'Incidentally, the gestational age would suggest conception took place just under ten weeks ago, give or take a few days.'

Olivia could see Elliot doing mental arithmetic out of the corner of her eye. Judging by the look on his face, he came to the same conclusion she had. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. 'Do you want to tell Casey that our second child was conceived in a maintenance closet at her wedding, or shall I?'

'I think I'd like to save that one for a future occasion.' Olivia made a mental note to ask Casey to be the baby's godmother.

'Well, whenever that is, I want to be there. Or at least to see a picture of the look on her face when you tell her.' Elliot had a feeling that it was going to be absolutely priceless. Of all the endless details and likely setbacks and potential catastrophes that Casey had worried obsessively over, the possibility of one of her bridesmaids being impregnated in the cupboard behind the bar probably wasn't one of them.

Olivia laughed. 'Deal.'

Elliot was staring at the screen again. 'When do you think she'll have the baby?' He was looking more excited than ever.

'I'd give an estimated delivery date of around the 8th of September.' She smiled again. 'So maybe no round-the-world adventures for your summer vacation this year.'

Olivia laughed. 'We haven't been on a real vacation in years.' _If ever. Unless you count the time Natalie begged us to take her to Washington DC so that she could see the National Museum of Crime and Punishment... and that was a weekend of me having to watch Natalie running eagerly between increasingly disturbing exhibits while Elliot just stood there looking as if he was about to burst with pride. A relaxing break it was not. _'We already have a four year old...'

'Ah, so you've got practice.' The sonographer pulled the probe away and began to wipe the gel off Olivia's stomach. Looking at the blank screen, Olivia suddenly felt oddly bereft, even though she knew that the baby was still there. She squeezed Elliot's hand again, and moved her other hand down to her stomach, horrified to realise that she might actually cry. The sonographer glanced up and saw her. 'Hey, Mom, don't worry. 8 weeks' time and you'll get to see him or her again, and then they should be able to tell you the sex.' She winked. 'It might be time to start thinking up some baby names.'

**_A/N: I hope you all enjoyed it, and I'll see you next week for the next chapter (or tomorrow, if you're reading my other stuff too.) Thanks for reading!_**


	14. THREE  III

**_A/N: So, some of you may have seen the rather harrowing chapter I uploaded yesterday to one of my other stories... Anyway, after that I felt like writing something a little cheerier (and I thought maybe some of you could do with a bit of a lift as well after that...) so I decided to update this one again. It has all the good things - drama, romance, exposition, smut, and of course LOTS of E/O. Enjoy, and please send me a review to let me know what you thought (this chapter is a bit of an experiment, so if you want more of this, you know what to do!)_**

**_EXTRA NOTE: Because the site is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap. _**

**_Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!  
><em>**

THREE - III

_Gitano was lunging at her with the knife again. Elliot almost sighed. He'd had this dream before, seen this a hundred different ways. He remembered now. Gitano would cut her throat, and Elliot would chase after him, and in the meantime she would die and he'd come back to find her dead on the floor. To be honest, he was almost bored of it by now._

_Gitano lunged, but this time he didn't cut her throat. He knocked her to the floor, pinned her down and stabbed her in the chest._

_His stomach lurched. Wait. This isn't how it usually goes._

_OH GOD, WHAT IF THIS ISN'T A DREAM?_

_'Liv?' His voice wouldn't come out any louder than a whisper. He tried to shout. 'Liv? LIV!' Why couldn't he move? It felt as if his feet were made of lead. 'OLIVIA, NO!'_

_Olivia was struggling as hard as she could but Gitano was still stabbing her, again and again and again. Olivia was kicking and clawing and swiping at him and trying to grab the knife, but Elliot could see that she was already beginning to weaken. She began batting weakly at his hands, trying to push the knife away, making faint grasping motions at it as she gasped._

_'LIV! LIV! OLIVIA!' Oh God, I can't save her... No, it's just a dream, it has to be, it HAS to be... 'OLIVIA, I LOVE YOU!' _

_She slowly stopped struggling and moaned, her hands still clawing weakly at the knife sticking out of her chest. Gitano smiled and watched her struggling to breathe, clutching at the air with her fists. 'Are you enjoying that? No?'_

_She coughed and he leaned in, wrapped both his hands tightly around her neck and began to squeeze. 'Maybe your husband should learn to keep his mouth shut.'_

_'NO, LIV! PLEASE, LIV, NO!' Please don't die... 'PLEASE, LIV, PLEASE! I NEED YOU!'_

_Olivia started making gagging noises, grabbing at his hands as her feet scrabbled desperately against the floor. Her mouth was wide open as she threw her head back trying to suck in some air, and then she slowly stopped struggling and lay still. Her arms fell limply to her sides and her legs stopped kicking as she stared silently up at the ceiling. Gitano smiled and stood up, looking down at her as she lay at his feet, choked and dead._

'OLIVIA!' He sat bolt upright in bed. Olivia was sleeping next to him, curled up on her side_. It was just a dream. Deep breaths, Elliot, it was just a dream_. He reached out and stroked the side of her face, and she opened her eyes.

'El?' She frowned. 'What's wrong?'

'I'm sorry, Liv, I didn't mean to wake you.'

She rubbed her eyes, sat up and took his hand. 'What's wrong, El?'

'Nothing, just couldn't sleep.'

He could tell that she didn't believe him. 'OK.' She smiled sympathetically at him and squeezed his hand. 'It'll be OK, El. I promise I'm not going anywhere.'

'I love you so much, Olivia.' _I couldn't live without you. I'd rather die._ 'I love you.'

She smiled and stroked the side of his face, and then leant over and hugged him. 'I love you too.' He felt her kiss his cheek. 'You know you can talk to me about anything.' It was more a statement than a question. 'I love you, El. Please let me help.'

_I don't think that you can._ 'I know.' He kissed the side of her face, breathing in the smell of her hair.

She pulled away a little and looked at him. 'Elliot, I will always love you.' He started to say something, and then hesitated. She sighed. 'OK, El.' She leaned forward and kissed him. 'OK.'

He paused again, and then leaned in to kiss her, moving his hand up to the back of her shoulders. He felt her smile and she kissed him back, pushing her lips against his mouth, one hand gripping the side of his neck, and then her arm was wrapped around his shoulders and she had swung her left leg over to sit in his lap, her inner thighs pressing against the sides of his waist. She kissed his cheek and then he felt her lips brush against his ear. 'Just don't think that this gets you out of talking to me about those dreams, El...'

He smiled and kissed her again, both his arms tightening around the small of her back and pressing her body into his. 'I wouldn't expect any less, it'd take a lot more than this to stop your nagging.'

She laughed. 'Well, maybe you should stop giving me reasons to nag you...' She was looking into his eyes, both her thumbs stroking the sides of his face and her fingers interlocked across the back of his neck as the tip of her nose brushed against his.

He raised his eyebrows at her and ran his fingertips over her lower back. 'Well, maybe YOU should just shut your mouth...'

She threw her head back and laughed. 'You're one bossy son of a bitch, you know that?' She kissed him and interlaced her fingers more tightly across the back of his neck, pressing her forehead against his.

'And you're a merciless harpy.' He kissed her again, feeling her flick her tongue across the inside of his mouth as he pulled her even closer, pressing his chest tightly against hers. 'But you're my merciless harpy, Liv...'

'You're sweet.' He felt her breath on his face as she laughed. 'Oh, El, I love you...'

He smiled and stroked her hair. 'I love you too.'

He felt her hand stroking the side of his face, and then she sat back, tugged her nightdress off over her head and threw it on the floor. 'Kiss me again, El.'

* * *

><p>cut<p>

* * *

><p>'Oh God, El, oh God, oh God...' She trailed off, breathing heavily with her eyes closed. 'Oh, Elliot...'<p>

'Liv...' He slid his hands across her skin, tracing his fingers over the curves of her body. 'I love you.' He smiled and kissed her, beginning to stroke her hair. 'I would do anything for you.'

She smiled back and hugged him tightly, pressing her chest against his. 'I know that you would.' _I am so lucky to have him._

He brushed his fingertips across the side of her face_. I would die without you. I would die for you, without even having to think about it._ 'I'm so lucky to have you, Liv.'

She laughed. 'I was just thinking the same thing about you.' _Especially after what Alex told me about how her husband just rolls off her and goes to sleep straight afterwards. _ She smiled softly and stroked his face. 'Maybe one day you'll be able to talk to me about those nightmares.'

He smiled and kissed her again, pressing his lips firmly against hers and brushing her hair off her forehead, cradling the sides of her face in his hands. 'It's not important.' _ I will never let anything happen to you, whatever I have to do to protect you._ He traced his fingertips down her side, making her whole body tingle, and then slid one arm tightly around her waist, pulling her body tightly against him. 'I promise.'

'OK.' She sighed and kissed him again, interlacing her fingers across the back of his neck and pressing her forehead against his. 'OK.'

_**A/N: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!**_


	15. THREE  IV

**_A/N: So, I updated this story again! What can I say, I'm getting really into it, and it's a nice counter to the more depressing stuff going on in my other stories. Paula100, this one has a lot of Natalie in, so you should be happy... and I'm glad you all enjoyed the smuttiness of the last chapter too!_**

'So, how do you want your hair?' Olivia stifled a yawn. _Elliot and his damned nightmares..._ 'Plaits? Bunches? Ponytail?'

Natalie looked up from tracing the patterns in the living-room rug with her finger. 'Can you put the big red bow in?'

'OK. Do you want a plait or a ponytail?' Olivia had learned early on that the most important thing when getting her daughter ready to go out was to persuade her to agree to tie back her waist-length dark brown hair. Sadly, it was also often the most difficult.

Natalie pursed her lips thoughtfully and Olivia's heart sank. That was never a good sign. 'Neither.'

_Oh God._ 'Well, you have to have one if you want the bow, because Mom needs something to clip it to.' _And if I don't tie it up it'll be all tangled up with God knows what when you get back and I really cannot spend yet another hour trying to comb it out for you._

Natalie paused, chewing her lower lip. 'Can I have it like a ponytail that's not a ponytail?'

_What in God's name is that?_ 'How about just a regular ponytail for now, Nat?'

Natalie sighed melodramatically. 'OK, Mom.'

'Good girl.' Olivia started to brush her daughter's hair. 'Do you have your socks on yet?'

Natalie shifted and held out her feet in front of her, wiggling her toes proudly. 'Yes!'

Olivia frowned. 'Where's the other one?'

'I only have one, Mom.'

'Well, no, you don't, because when Mommy buys you socks she buys them in pairs.' Olivia finished tying Natalie's hair up and clipped in the bow. 'What happened to the other one?'

Natalie shrugged. 'I don't know.'

_Christ._ 'OK...' _Wait, there's a matching pair in the dryer._ 'El, can you go and get her white lacy ankle socks out of the dryer for me?'

Natalie smiled widely. 'And my scarf.'

'And her-' _Oh no, not the scarf_. 'You're not going to wear the scarf, are you, Nat?'

Natalie nodded enthusiastically. 'Yes.'

'But... are you sure you wouldn't rather wear the sparkly cardigan Mommy bought you last week?'

Natalie pouted. 'No, I'd rather wear my scarf.'

'But the cardigan will go so much better with that pretty green dress, won't it, El?' Olivia looked at him for backup. 'Won't it, El?' She gave him a meaningful look.

Elliot shrugged. 'You know me, Liv, clothes is clothes.' He handed her the socks and headed back to the couch.

_Useless bastard._ 'Well, I think the cardigan will look much better.' _And it's not an ancient frayed silk cravat covered in tiny pictures of pin-up girls wearing tinier bikinis and police hats._ 'Don't you?'

Natalie shook her head. 'No. I like my scarf. Uncle John gave it to me when I beat him at cards. He found it in his desk.'

'I remember, I was there.' _Damn him._ 'I just-' Olivia was interrupted by the sound of the buzzer. _Shit._ 'Nat, that's going to be Maddy's mom here to pick you up, are you all ready to go?'

Natalie nodded and jumped excitedly to her feet. 'Just let me go get my shoes!'

Olivia watched her vanish down the hallway and sighed. 'El, can you run her downstairs to meet Maddy and her mom for me?'

'Sure.' He smiled and stroked her cheek. 'Nat looks so much like you, Liv, I don't how you don't see it.'

Olivia smiled ruefully. 'Exhaustion.' She heard a door slam and Natalie promptly reappeared, the infamous scarf now tied in a bow around her neck. _Christ, she looks like a four-year-old porn magnate._ 'Are you, uh, ready to go, Nat?'

She smiled and nodded. 'Uh huh!'

'Great.' Olivia picked her up and hugged her tightly. 'Be good, OK?'

Natalie looked surprised. 'I'm always good!'

_You're not._ 'OK, well, just be ESPECIALLY good, OK?'

She smiled brightly. 'OK!'

'Good girl.' Olivia kissed her daughter's forehead and put her down. 'Have fun!'

'I will!' Natalie grabbed her father's hand and began to drag him impatiently towards the door, and Olivia immediately collapsed on the couch and closed her eyes, hearing the door slam behind them. She didn't know exactly what she'd done to deserve such a willful child. _Well, your choosing Elliot to father it probably didn't help._ She thought about it. _Yeah, that'd do it._

She heard the door open and close quietly, and then felt Elliot sit down next to her and kiss her cheek. 'She's pretty stubborn, isn't she?'

Olivia sighed and opened her eyes again. 'When did she get so big?'

'I know.' Elliot smiled. 'Do you remember when she was born?'

Olivia rolled her eyes in disbelief. 'Of course I do. Don't you think you'd remember if you spent eleven hours trying to push a watermelon out of your ass?'

_Good point._ 'Well, if I remember right you broke three bones in my hand and then swore at me and called me a girl when I asked the doctor for some painkillers.'

Olivia sighed. 'Come on, El, it can't have been that bad.'

He gave her a dark look. 'Believe me, it was.'

_'BASTARD! 'Olivia clenched her fist tightly around Elliot's hand. _

_Elliot tried his best to smile at her as he felt the bones crunch. His girlfriend had become increasingly hostile over the past eleven hours, and it had now gotten to the stage where he had become a little afraid of what was coming next. Relax, Elliot, imagine she's a bear. You know how to deal with bears. Just don't show your fear. It'll be fine. She won't kill you, she loves you. You think. 'Come on, Liv, it's OK.' He tried to stroke her hair._

_She slapped his hand away angrily. 'You lazy useless bastard, I can't believe I only got two orgasms out of this!'_

_Elliot looked hurt. 'I thought two was quite good going considering how much we'd both been drinking...' _

_'IT'S NOT WORTH THIS!' Olivia squeezed his hand tightly and Elliot actually saw stars explode in front of his eyes._

_'Uh... can I please get some painkillers now, please?' Elliot gestured desperately at his hand and the female doctor glared at him. He glanced around the room, looking for a little support. but all the other hospital workers were giving him dirty looks too. Jesus, this is some kind of female cult. 'Come ON, I asked over three hours ago, and my hand REALLY hurts!'_

_'I'LL GIVE YOU 'REALLY HURTS', YOU BASTARD!' Olivia swiped her hair back off her face impatiently, clenched her hand into a fist and punched him hard in the crotch._

_Elliot gasped and doubled over. 'Jesus H Christ...' He gagged and crumpled to the floor, one hand clutching his crotch and the other still holding Olivia's hand as tightly as he could with what he was now fairly sure was a broken hand. _

_'It's OK, Ms Benson, you're almost there!' A nurse stroked her hand reassuringly as she checked one of the monitors. 'Just a little bit longer, OK?'_

_'I'm fine, by the way.' Elliot was still doubled over on his side on the floor trying not to retch. 'Just in case you were worried.'_

_'SHUT UP!' Olivia gritted her teeth and pushed harder. 'I will never be the same after this! I'll barely be able to sit down for weeks! My ass is going to be the size of Staten Island! I'll pee when I laugh! I'VE JUST HAD SCISSORS IN A PLACE WHERE SCISSORS SHOULD NEVER BE!'_

_'That was an episiotomy, Ms Benson, and you needed to have it,' said the doctor gently._

_Olivia didn't seem to hear her. 'YOU AND YOUR STUPID HUGE HEAD! I knew I should have fucked Munch instead!'_

_The nurses exchanged looks and Elliot fought back the wave of nausea that was suddenly rising in his throat. 'Now Liv, let's not say things that we can't take back...' He finally staggered to his feet, wincing and hanging tightly onto the bedrail. 'It'll be worth it though, won't it?' He smiled and stroked her hair. 'Our child's being born, Liv.'_

_She looked straight at him, her eyes burning with rage. 'REALLY, EL? I HADN'T FUCKING NOTICED!' _

_Jesus. The bear, Elliot, think of the bear. 'Come on, Liv, soon we'll get to meet our baby girl. Won't that be worth it? Aren't you excited to meet Natalie?' He smiled at her and squeezed her hand._

_'FUCK YOU!' She hunched over and kept pushing as hard as she could. 'Oh GOD...'_

_'It's OK, Liv, I'm here.' Elliot pushed her sweaty fringe back off her face._

_Olivia looked as if she was about to burst into tears. 'El, why does it have to HURT so much...'_

_'Um...' Elliot wasn't sure if this was meant to a rhetorical question or not. 'Would you like the biblical explanation?'_

_Her eyes narrowed dangerously. 'No, what I would like is to KILL YOU.'_

_Uh-oh... definitely meant to be rhetorical... 'I know it hurts, Liv, but I'm here for you, OK, and I love you.' He smiled sympathetically and stroked her hair. 'I love you more than anything or anyone else in the world.'_

_'I HATE YOU!'_

_'Come on, we both know that you don't mean that.' He kissed her hand._

_'HELL YES I DO!'_

_'Well, I love you.' He stroked her hair. _

_Olivia glared at him. 'Oh, you'll pay for this...'_

_Elliot just kept smiling, trying not to show that that was exactly what he was afraid of._

_'Come on, Ms Benson, one more big push and you'll be there, come on.' The nurse sitting at her feet looked up and smiled encouragingly. 'Her head is almost out, just one more, OK?'_

_'OK.' Olivia nodded, gritted her teeth and pushed, clutching Elliot's hand and tightening her fist around it, her fingernails digging further into his palm. 'Oh GOD...'_

_'It's OK, Liv, it's OK.' Elliot kissed her hand. 'Come on, you can do it.'_

_'You're damn right I can, you useless son of a bitch!' She bit down on her lip and pushed harder, looking more determined than ever._

_He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, squeezing her hand. 'That's my girl.'_

_Olivia threw back her head and screamed, and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of a baby crying._

_'Liv, Liv, you did it!' Elliot was staring at Natalie with amazement. Jesus, how on Earth did she just manage that? That is one enormous baby... _

_'Oh, thank God, thank God...' Olivia fell back against the pillows, gasping for breath. 'Thank God that's over... I am never, EVER doing that again, I SWEAR...'_

_'Sounds good to me.' Elliot bent down and kissed her. 'I'm so proud of you, Olivia...' He smiled at her and pushed her sweaty fringe back off her face again. 'I love you so, so much.' _

_'I love you too.' Olivia smiled weakly. 'What's she like?'_

_Huge. 'Well, she already has lots of dark hair.' He smiled and kissed her again. 'And she's absolutely beautiful.'_

'I guess I was wrong about never doing that again,' said Olivia with a sigh, laying her hand on her stomach. 'Just as long as Shrimp isn't as big as Natalie was...'

Elliot laughed. 'Yeah, she was quite large, wasn't she?'

'QUITE large? She was a huge baby!' Olivia rolled her eyes. 'I suppose that's what comes of giving birth three weeks late after spending your entire pregnancy eating doughnuts, pizza and cake.' She smiled. 'It was worth it though.'

He smiled and kissed her. 'It was.'

**_A/N: What did you think? (I don't know about you, but I needed that after a week of Paranoia and Heritage chapter writing...) _****_Send me a quick review and let me know what you thought (I do love to get your reviews, as you know) and I'll see about getting started on the next chapter for you!_**


	16. THREE V

_**A/N: Thanks for your reviews, and here's another update for you! Send me a quick review to let me know what you make of it, and I'll get going on the next chapter as soon as I can...**_

'What do you think of Murray Hill?'

Olivia looked up from her magazine. 'To be honest with you, El, I've heard better baby names.' She thought about it. 'Especially if Shrimp turns out to be a girl.'

'No...' Elliot produced a sheaf of real estate brochures from behind the TV cabinet. _It wasn't so much that he'd hidden them, exactly, more that it had just seemed like a good place to store them._ 'For us to move to.'

'Are you still on that?' Olivia rolled her eyes and went back to reading her magazine. She only had another twenty minutes before she was due to go on shift, and she planned on making the most of it. Talking about houses they would never buy was not her idea of fun.

'Yes, Liv, I am.' At first Elliot had tried to understand her reluctance to move, but it was steadily becoming more and more irritating.

Olivia glanced pointedly over at Natalie, who was sitting the middle of the floor drawing ice cream trucks with giant teeth. _Hmmm. She'd definitely have to ask Huang about that one at some point._ 'Do we really have to do this now, El?'

Elliot gritted his teeth. _Oh no, you're not going to use Natalie to get out of this again._ 'You're nearly four months gone, Olivia. If we want to find somewhere and finish moving before you have the baby, we need to start looking now.'

'Sure...' She didn't even look up.

'Well, if you don't like Murray Hill, how about Beechhurst? Or Corona?'

'Mmm-hmm.' He could tell she wasn't listening.

Elliot had had enough. 'Olivia, can you at least look at them?' Elliot held the brochures in front of her face. 'Tell me what you think. You might like one of them.'

She sighed, but took them from him and flipped through them.

'So... what do you think?'

Olivia looked at Natalie again. 'Nat, honey, can you come over here for a minute?'

Natalie sighed theatrically but obediently got up and walked over to her mother. 'Yes, Mom?'

Olivia kissed her forehead. 'Why don't you go and play in your room for a little bit?'

Natalie pouted. 'But I don't want to.'

Olivia sighed. 'What if I make Daddy buy you a McDonalds later?'

Natalie's eyes widened as if her mother had just suggested that they rob a bank and flee to Rio. 'But Mom... I'm not allowed McDonalds except for on my birthday...'

Olivia laughed and stroked her daughter's hair. 'Well, then it'll be a special treat, won't it?'

Natalie nodded excitedly. 'Yeah!'

'Good girl.' Olivia put her arms around her and hugged her tightly. 'Are you going to go play in your room for me now?'

Natalie nodded and ran out of the room. Olivia waited until she heard her bedroom door slam, and then tossed the brochures on the table and crossed her arms. 'Elliot, we've been through this. I don't like Queens. I do not want to move to Queens, and I will not move to Queens, so just drop it.'

'What's wrong with Queens?' To be fair, Elliot hadn't much liked it when he'd lived there, but hearing someone else badmouthing it made him feel oddly defensive. 'It's got parks, it's got good schools, it's safe-'

'It's dull.'

He snorted. 'Because you're so much of a wild party girl, right?'

'OK, but that doesn't mean that I want to leave Manhattan.' Olivia sat up and threw her magazine onto the couch. 'I like it here, Elliot, and I like my apartment.'

'Olivia, we've been over this. This apartment is too small for us, Nat and the baby. We have to sell it.'

'Maybe I don't want to sell it.'

'Well, maybe you need to grow up a little and accept that we can't always do things your way.'

'Maybe you should go and fuck yourself.'

'Olivia...' Elliot took a few deep breaths, trying to control himself. 'It's not fair on Natalie to stay here.'

'You think I don't know what's right for my daughter?'

'No, but you need to think about this properly. She deserves her own room, some green space, a garden to play in...'

'There's Central Park a few blocks away.'

'That's not the same, Olivia, and you know it.'

'Well, I grew up in Manhattan, remember?'

'Yeah, and look how well that turned out,' muttered Elliot darkly.

'EXCUSE ME?'_ Like I'm the one with mental problems. What is it that they call you down at the precinct, Elliot? Oh yes, Elliot UnStabler, that's right. Asshole._ 'Elliot, I am doing just fine, and so will Natalie.'

'There's 'just fine', Liv, and then there's a good, healthy childhood.' Elliot was trying his best not to raise his voice. 'What is it that you're always going on about? That your genetics are half drunk and half violence? You once told me that you were afraid of what any child of yours might grow into. A childhood in the city won't help that, Liv. Don't you think she'd do better growing up away from it? Maybe-' _Elliot, for the love of God, don't say it._ 'Maybe then she'd have a fighting chance of not turning out like you.' _Oh shit, you said it._

Olivia's jaw dropped. 'Like me? LIKE ME?'

_Oh, the hell with it._ 'Yes, like you. Do you want our daughter to grow into an emotionally and psychologically damaged control freak?'

She licked her lips. 'You absolute son of a bitch.'

He snorted. 'Great argument there, Liv. Got any more?'

'Well, tell you what, Elliot, you grew up out of the city, right, so maybe if we move she can grow up like you and spend her life as an angry, violent, resentful and chauvinistic asshole!'

'Olivia, that is not fair.'

'Isn't it, Elliot? Isn't it? Half the precinct won't work with you because they think you're a complete nut!'

Elliot took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. _Personal attacks will get you nowhere, Elliot, unless what you really want is to spend the next three weeks sleeping on the couch while she glares at you from a distance._ 'It's not safe here, Olivia, you know all the terrible things that happen around here. You see them every day. Do you really want Natalie to grow up with that?'

'Elliot, terrible things happen everywhere.'

'Olivia, I've raised five children already, and they loved Queens, I know how to-'

'Don't you dare throw that in my face, Elliot.' _Because we both know what a half-assed job you did of raising your last lot of kids._

'I'm not, but you need to think of Natalie for once.'

'You utter shit, I always put her first, you know that.'

'Not ahead of your job.'

'Of course ahead of my job!'

'Then why do you spend all your time holding your victims' hands, even after you've closed their cases, rather than staying at home with her?'

'Because that's my job, Elliot!'

'And you know what I think about your still working full time.'

'Yes, I do.'

_Enough._ Elliot sighed. 'Look, Olivia, I think we've both said some things that we don't mean, and I'm sorry. I really don't want to fight.'

_Who the fuck does he think he is, Oprah?_ 'Well then, Elliot, what do you want?'

'Liv... all I want is for us to be together, with Nat, and with our baby.' Elliot smiled at her. 'And the new place, Liv, it'll be OURS, you know, both of ours, together.'

'This apartment is ours.' _For now._

'No it isn't, we both know that you never changed the details on it. It's still only in your name.'

'Well, I never got around to it...' _Besides, I paid for it._

'Like you never got around to changing your surname from Benson.'

'This isn't about that, Elliot.'

'I know it isn't.' _Yes it is._ 'But Olivia... I always said you should maybe give up work after Nat was born, and now... I think it'd be good for at least one of us to be able to spend some time with her, especially now that she's going to have a younger brother or sister.'

'So? You quit your job then.'

'Olivia, don't be stupid.'

Olivia laughed bitterly. 'Stupid? How is your giving up your job stupid but my having to leave mine a good idea?'

'Because...' _That's just how it works_. 'You're her mother. That's, you know, what mothers do.'

'So, Elliot, what you're really saying is that you'd like to move back in time to the 1950s, where the children played tag in the street and the women knew their place._' And I for one am not going to spend my days baking fucking pies and darning your socks._

'Olivia, two kids is a lot, and... well... you're not 25 any more, and... Kathy always used to stay home with our kids, and-'

Her eyes narrowed. 'I'm not Kathy, Elliot.'

_Where the hell did that come from? _ 'I know, Liv, I'm sorry...' _I don't want you to be Kathy, I want you to be you, I love you, I just wish that just once you'd do what I asked without throwing a tantrum, please... _ 'Liv-'

She slapped him. 'Fuck you. I'm not some doormat. I'm not going to spend over 20 years putting up with your shit like she did.'

'I'm sorry, Olivia, please-'

'NO!' She grabbed her bag. 'We'll talk about this later, Elliot. I have to go to work.'

_He had to say it._ 'You always have to go to work.'

She ignored him, slamming the door behind her on her way out.

**_A/N: What did you think? Feel like sending me a review? I'd really appreciate it if you did. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I should be back with an update for you soon!_**


	17. FOUR

**FOUR**


	18. FOUR  I

**_A/N: Couldn't sleep... Bad day... Reread some lovely reviews for this story and decided to write! Thank you K444 and courtneylovejason - actually, courtneylovejason, it was your 'Review Alert' popping up in my inbox that got me writing like a mad fiend and thus feeling much better. edge15684 - I love it when people analyse and discuss what I've written. You're awesome =) If you like this chapter, feel free to send me a review, because they always make me ecstatically happy, and I'll get cracking on the next chapter.__ Also, the lovely people who have also been reading and reviewing 'Paranoia' - thank you for all the reviews so far, and keep 'em coming!_**

Olivia buried her face in her hands. Her head was throbbing so hard that she felt like she wanted to scream, and on top of that the case files that she was trying to read had stopped making sense hours ago.

Coffee. She needed more coffee. _Even if it is decaf. Urgh._

There was a note from Elliot on the fridge. 'Don't forget to phone the realtor! XXX.' _Damn him._ She wished he'd just lay off all this stupid moving house crap. She was thoroughly sick of it by now. She swore to herself, crumpled the note up and threw it over her shoulder before opening the fridge door and searching for the milk.

'Are you ready to go yet, Mom?' Natalie was suddenly standing excitedly beside her, already wearing her coat and hat.

'Soon, Nat, I just need to finish what I'm doing.' Olivia gave up on the milk and slammed the fridge closed again.

Natalie's face fell. 'But you said we could spend today together!'

Olivia sighed, poured herself some cold coffee from the pot and sat back down in front of her files. 'And we can, but I still have to do a little bit of my work first, OK?'

Natalie pouted. 'You said that four hours ago.'

'I know, sweetheart.' Olivia massaged her temples. God, this headache was eating her brain alive. 'Just a little bit longer, OK?'

'But Mom, I'm bored.'

Olivia took a slow, calming breath. 'I know you're bored, Nat, but you need to go and entertain yourself for just a little while so that Mom can finish writing up this file, OK?'

Natalie pursed her lips thoughtfully. 'Is it interesting?'

_Oh God, here we go._ Olivia sighed impatiently. 'Is what interesting?'

'What you're writing about.'

'Well, it's not so much interesting as it's...' _How are you meant to explain child pornographers to a four-year-old?_ 'It's so that Mom can help other little girls who aren't as lucky as you are.'

'Oh.' Natalie frowned. 'Why?'

'What do you mean, why?'

'Why do you want to help them so bad?'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'You're too young to understand.'

'Do you like the other little girls better than me?'

'Of course I don't...' Olivia was searching through her stacks of notes.

'Then why do you spend so long with them?'

'Because... because the other little girls need Mom more than you do.'

Natalie pouted again. 'But you're MY Mom, not theirs, why can't they get their own...'

'Be quiet, Nat.' Olivia was jotting down some more notes and trying to control her irritation.

'No, Mom, it's not fair, you said you'd take me to the park today, and you haven't!'

'Natalie. Be quiet.'

'Mom, I want to go and see the pigeons...'

'Natalie Margaret Stabler, if you do not stop whining this minute we won't be going out at all, do you understand me?'

Natalie scowled. 'You're the worst mom in the whole wide world...'

Something snapped. 'For God's sake, Natalie, you really have no idea how lucky you are, do you? You stand there and you whine about the park and the pigeons and how I'm the worst mom in the whole wide world, but you know what? Any one of the little girls I work with would probably do anything to trade places with you!'

'Why?' Natalie crossed her arms and pouted. 'I bet their moms don't ignore them...'

Olivia felt a surge of rage. 'Well, no, no they don't. Their moms sell them to pimps or to bad men who take photos of them and put them on the Internet. Their moms beat them and let their boyfriends abuse them. I see little girls who have been beaten, raped, starved, and God knows what else, every single day, and you know what? A lot of them never, ever complain.' At some point she had started shouting. 'So when I come home to hear you whining about something stupid like how you stubbed your toe, or how we've run out of the chocolate waffle mix, or how you want a bedtime story, it is sometimes a little hard for me to care!'

Natalie's lower lip began to tremble and Olivia sighed. 'For God's sake, Natalie, stop it.' She turned away and tried to concentrate on her work again. _I thought Nat had grown out of the whole turn-the-tears-on thing. _ She heard a sniff from behind her, and then the sound of her daughter running down the hallway to her bedroom and slamming the door. _OK, that's not good. _ Natalie never cried properly, not even when she was a baby. Olivia bit her lip. 'Nat?' She got up and walked down the hall. 'Nattie?'

She could hear her sobbing through her bedroom door and immediately felt a rush of guilt. 'Nattie?' _I shouldn't have shouted at her._ Hell, she'd known that before she did it, but she'd still done it anyway. _I don't know why I've been so irritable lately, but it has to stop right now, at least around Natalie._ 'Nat?' She knocked gently and then pushed the door open. 'Oh, Nat...' Natalie was curled up in a ball on her bed clutching her toy dog against her chest, her face bright red and puffy with tears streaming down her cheeks. 'I'm so sorry, Nattie, Mom didn't mean it...'

'Why don't you like me?' Natalie was sobbing so hard that she could barely get the words out. 'What did I do bad?'

Olivia sighed and sat next to her daughter on the bed, beginning to stroke her hair soothingly. 'You didn't do anything, sweetie, Mom's just having a bad day.'

'You're ALWAYS having a bad day!'

'Well, I know that sometimes it can seem that way, honey, but...' She sighed again. 'Let Mommy make it up to you, Nat. We'll do something fun, just you and me, OK?'

'But you're never here!'

Olivia bit her lip. 'I know, honey, but that's because I have to work sometimes, it's not because you did anything...' She held out her arms. 'Come on, Nat, give your mom a cuddle.'

Natalie sat up and hurled herself at her mother, throwing her arms around her neck and burying her face in her hair. 'Why do you like everyone else better than me, Mom?' Her voice was so quiet that Olivia had to strain to hear it.

'Oh, Nat...' Olivia wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter and kissed the top of her head, trying not to cry herself. _How can she sound so defeated? She's only four!_ 'I don't, Nattie, I don't. You and Daddy are the two most important things in the world to me.'

'Then why do you care so much about the other little girls when you don't care about me?'

'I do...' Olivia felt tears beginning to run down her own face. _Shit._ 'I do care about you, Nat...'

Natalie pulled away and looked at her accusingly. 'But you just said you didn't!'

'I know I said that, but... I didn't mean it.' Olivia smiled sadly at her and stroked her hair. 'I swear I didn't mean it, Nat.' She hugged Natalie tightly against her chest again. 'It's just... sometimes I get so caught up in my job that I forget that other people need me too.'

Natalie sniffed and curled up on Olivia's lap, sucking her thumb, and Olivia began to rock her soothingly. 'Sssshhhhh, come on, Nat, it's OK.' She kissed the top of her head. 'Sssshhhhh, Nat, it's OK, it's OK.' Olivia swung her legs up onto the bed and shifted back against the headboard, still cradling her daughter in her arms.

Natalie snuggled in closer to her, the back of her fist digging into Olivia's chest as she sucked her thumb, and Olivia smiled again and started to stroke her hair. It was at times like this that she wondered how she could ever want to do anything else.

When Natalie was born, she had told Elliot at the hospital that she never wanted to do anything else, ever, and that the SVU would have to manage without her - and then of course three weeks later she was back at her desk, Natalie sleeping in a carrycot beside her. A month after that, she was back on full duty, and Natalie was being passed around whoever happened to be in the squadroom when she was out in the field. For her first birthday, Cragen had actually given her a mini-replica of an SVU ID, complete with tiny gold badge, and named her an honorary member of the unit.

Olivia had missed her first smile - Munch had been the lucky recipient, apparently after telling her a joke that he'd heard the previous night at a bar - and she had only been there to hear her first word out of sheer luck. She hated missing milestones like that, but she also hated the idea of having to give up her job - her career was her life, and if she wasn't a detective, then she didn't really know who or what she was. It was the only thing she'd ever really been good at. She certainly didn't seem to be very good at motherhood. She sighed and kissed Natalie's forehead. Something had to change, but the trouble was that she didn't really know what.

**_A/N: Did you like it, even if I did write it in a fug of sleep deprivation and apathy? Send me a review to let me know and maybe you'll spur me on to get the next one out in double-quick time!_**


	19. FOUR  II

**_A/N: I've got another update for you! (Obviously. But I always feel the urge to say that anyway, so humour me.) They're finally airing the first episode of Season 13 in Ireland tonight, so I have been attempting to control my excitement by writing like a mad fiend. I think my housemate will be very relieved once it's over because for the past month I've been making her stop fastforwarding on the Sky box on the ad breaks so that I can watch every single promo. Also because I keep shouting 'FUCK YOU DANNY PINO' whenever he appears in it. Poor Thea._**

**_Edge 15684, courtneylovejason, Paula100 and K444__ - I'm glad you all liked it. I was a bit wary of how people would take it, because even though what I wrote about is an issue I'm fairly sure she would have with any child of her own, a lot of readers like to think that she'd be the perfect mother no matter what. Then again, I'm also glad that everyone seems to have taken the amount of bickering going on between Elliot and Olivia so well too... because as much as I hate to say it, love does not conquer all, and you'll inevitably get some issues when you put two such strong personalities together. Also, K444 - I seriously doubt Olivia could ever quit completely. She cares about her job and her independence too much.  
><em>**

**_Jennifer Catlin DiNozzo - I apologise for giving you a cliffhanger in this one as well as 'Paranoia.' I promise I'll make it up to you. Possibly with more smut at some point. We'll see._**

**_Anyway... after that marathon note, I hope all enjoy this chapter, and let me know with a quick review (not only do I love your reviews, often enough to do a little dance when I get one, but it helps me judge the demand for a speedy update. Right now my reviewers in 'Paranoia' and 'Heritage' are demanding updates super soon, so I'm working pretty much every chance I get on them!)_**

'Headache?' Elliot had come into the room behind her without her noticing.

She smiled wryly and started to rinse out her coffee cup. 'A little.'

'You seem to be having a lot of headaches lately.'

_Oh, for Christ's sake..._ Olivia gritted her teeth. _Don't try to fool me with that casual tone, you son of a bitch. I know you're working up to something._ 'El, I'm fine.' Her head started to throb again and she rubbed her temples. 'I'm just tired.' She turned her head and looked at him. 'You really need to get some help about these nightmares.'

He raised his eyebrows at her. _Oh, no, you don't get out of this that easily._ 'This isn't about me, Liv, it's about you.'

She suddenly felt a surge of anger at him. 'Oh for God's sake, Elliot!' She threw the mug into the sink impatiently, hearing it shatter as it hit the metal rim, and spun around to face him. 'You just go on and on and on and ON! For ONCE, will you just do me a favour and SHUT UP!'

He frowned, but for some reason he didn't look angry with her. 'Liv, don't take this the wrong way, but...' _OK, there was no way to put this that wouldn't make him sound like an asshole._ 'You look like you've put on a lot of weight the past few days.'

Olivia's jaw dropped. 'Elliot, what the fuck? Is that your way of trying to kick me when I'm down?'

'No-'

'Because you know, Elliot, I am pregnant. Pregnant women do gain a little weight. I would have thought you'd have realised that by now.'

'Not that fast, Olivia.' He looked thoughtful. 'Maybe you should go back and see the doctor. You've not been yourself lately.'

'Why, because I don't agree to every little thing you say? You're just pissed because I don't want to up and leave my apartment and move to some dump in Queens. Drop the fake concern, Elliot, because I'm not buying it one bit. I've already cut my hours down, so I really don't know what the hell else you think that you want from me.'

'Liv, please don't get me wrong. I'm glad that you only work five days a week now, and I'm so happy that you're spending more time with Nat, but...' He sighed. 'Olivia, I'm worried. Something's just not right.'

_He had that stupid fake-concerned look on his face again. Fuck this. _'Oh, just shut the fuck up and leave me alone.' She grabbed her bag, stormed across the room and slammed the door shut behind her, wincing at the loud bang as it hit the frame. She really wished that she could take some pain pills, if only to take the edge off of it.

She was still angry after she'd walked the several blocks from her apartment to the subway, although by the time she actually got to the precinct building it had finally settled into the usual nagging irritation. She might have resolved to work on her temper, but it was incredibly difficult when Elliot just kept pushing her like this. She sighed. She couldn't remember feeling this moody when she had Natalie, but then again, she didn't have Elliot around being a pain in the ass all day every day. She rubbed her temples again. God, this headache.

'You all right, Liv?' Fin looked up from his desk as she came in. 'You look a little off.'

'Jesus, not you as well.' Olivia shook her head in disbelief and sat down at her desk. 'I just have a headache, Elliot's keeping me up all night lately.' She saw Munch and Fin exchange a look. 'No, not like that, you perverts.' _Chance'd be a fine thing. _ 'He keeps having nightmares and waking me up with his shouting.' She rolled her eyes and her head flared angrily. _Ow, bad move, bad move. _ 'Trust me, I'm not the one with the problem here.'

Fin frowned. 'Are you sure? Because you really don't look well. Maybe you should go home.'

Olivia gritted her teeth, trying her best not to scream. 'I'm fine, Fin, and I really don't need anyone worrying about me. I can look after myself.' _Now please just leave me the fuck alone._

Fin seemed a little taken aback. 'Liv, come on, there's no reason to be like that-'

Olivia cut him off. 'Like what?'

'Well, like... like...' Fin shrugged helplessly. 'Like THIS.'

_Oh, for fuck's sake._ She snorted. 'Eloquent, Fin.'

Fin looked hurt. 'What the hell is wrong with you today, Olivia?'

Olivia'a eyes narrowed. 'Nothing is wrong with me, I'm just sick of people thinking that they have the right to decide what's best for me!'

'Jesus, Olivia, calm down,' muttered Fin, looking down at his notes again.

'Liv, maybe you're working too hard,' offered Munch cautiously.

'Has Elliot phoned in and told you what to say?' snapped Olivia, throwing the files she'd been sorting through down onto her desk. 'Because work is one of the few breaks I get from having to put up with his crap, and I for one am particularly enjoying one of the rare occasions when he's at court all day and not bugging me.'

'Wow, Liv, paranoid much?' Fin managed to force an awkward laugh as he shot Munch a worried look. 'I thought Munch here was meant to be the conspiracy freak around here!'

_He thought he was so damn funny._ 'Shut up, I'm going to the bathroom.' She really needed to splash some cold water on her face. She winced as she stood up and made her way across the room and down the hallway to the bathroom.

Olivia still wasn't feeling any better by the time she got there. She leant over the sink and splashed some water onto her face. God damn it, she was so stupid, she'd managed to get the collar of her shirt all wet... She grabbed some paper towel and began to dab at it, pausing for a second as she looked at herself in the mirror. OK, so maybe she had gained a little more weight the past week. _That's putting it mildly. My face looks like a fucking soccer ball. _She sighed. Oh well, she was older than most mothers, she couldn't expect a completely easy ride. She threw the paper towel into the bin and rubbed her eyes. The bathroom lights were too damn bright. She'd have to tell maintenance that they'd put the wrong fucking bulbs in. Couldn't anyone do anything right around here?

Her head was throbbing even more now _(stupid fluorescent lights)_ and she leaned over and closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to subside a little. _Someone really needed to invent a painkiller for pregnant women. _ She'd never had a migraine before, and it seemed like she'd chosen a really great time to start.

_Fantastic._ On top of everything else, now she was getting heartburn again. Then again, lately she always seemed to have heartburn. She rubbed her side uncomfortably. Damned decaf coffee. It wasn't enough that it gave her the jitters, it had to give her yet another reason to feel permanently uncomfortable. _This had better sort itself out soon, because another four and half months of it would be actual hell on earth._

She stood up straight again and took some deep breaths, suddenly feeling like she was going to throw up. _Damn, I thought I was done with morning sickness, this is ridiculous._ She started to bend over the sink again and then her vision began to blur. She felt a twinge of unease. _This was a new one._ OK, she was feeling really weird now. Maybe she should go back to the squadroom and sit down for a minute or so until it passed.

She'd only taken a single step when her knees went from under her and she fell. _Oh shit, don't fall on your stomach, grab the counter, quick._ She lunged for the bathroom countertop and grabbed the edge of it, trying to dig her fingernails into the polished surface. _Oh God, I don't feel good..._ She tried to pull herself upright, and then another wave of dizziness hit her and her hands slipped. _Oh crap, crap, crap, cra-_ She struck her head hard against the edge of the countertop and her body went limp as she collapsed onto the floor, sprawling out onto her back and lying completely still.

**_A/N: What do you think? Do you want more? Send me a review and let me know!_**


	20. FOUR  III

_**A/N: My goodness but it took me forever to get this chapter going! Oh well, here it is for you now, and it's only a short one so I'll try and have a longer one up in a few days for you. I hope you all like this one anyway, and send me a review to let me know!**_

Olivia frowned. Her head hurt even more than before. She put her hand up to massage her forehead and felt cotton gauze under her fingers. _What the hell?_ She suddenly realised that she needed Elliot to be there with her. 'El? El, are you there?' She suddenly felt like she might actually be about to cry. _Those damned pregnancy hormones._ 'Elliot...'

'Oh good, Mrs Benson, you're awake.'

Olivia didn't know that voice, and no one had ever called her Mrs Benson. 'Where am I?'

'Roosevelt Hospital.'

She burst into tears. 'Oh God, oh God, what happened, where's Elliot, I need him...'

'Is Elliot your husband?'

She bit her lip and nodded. _OK, moving her head was a bad idea. She'd had just about enough of this headache nonsense._ 'Yes... Is he here?' _Please please please let him be here..._ She opened her eyes and immediately squeezed them shut again as the bright lights hit her. 'El? El, are you there?'

'No, he's not, but we can call him for you if you'd like?'

'What happened?' _Did she faint? Did someone hit her? Did she fall? Is the baby OK?_

'Someone found you unconscious on the bathroom floor and called 911. Looks like you hit your head on the counter and knocked yourself out.'

'Is...' Olivia managed to swallow a burst of panic. 'Is my baby OK?'

'What?' The doctor sounded distracted. 'Oh, yes, I'd say that your baby's fine. Babies are pretty resilient.'

_Oh, thank God, thank God..._ 'Are you sure?'

'As sure as I can be. Would you like me to call your husband now?'

_Yes, I need him._ 'I...' _No. He can't hear about this. If they phone him he'll know everything. He'll know that I've failed him and he'll finally realise that I'm not good enough for him and that he shouldn't have married me. _'No, it's OK. Don't bother him at work.'

'Are you sure?'

_You know, Kathy would never have done something like this. _Olivia took a few deep breaths and forced herself to stop crying. 'Yes, I'm OK.' _Please don't call him. Please don't tell him about this. He'll be so disappointed in me, and I couldn't bear that. _'I'm fine.'

There was a pause. 'OK. Can you open your eyes again for me, Mrs Benson?'

Olivia really didn't want to. She had a feeling that it was going to hurt. There was a rattling noise and she felt a tugging sensation on her arm.

'Mrs Benson, please open your eyes for me.'

_Oh, fine._ She reluctantly opened her eyes again and saw the doctor adjusting an IV line that was hooked up to her arm. 'Good girl.' She pulled out a penlight. 'Look straight at me, please.' She held Olivia's eyelid open and shone it into her left eye. Olivia winced as her headache flared again. 'Other eye, please.' She felt the light stabbing at her right eye for a second before the doctor flicked off the penlight and held up her right hand. 'How many fingers, Mrs Benson?'

Olivia blinked. 'Three.'

The doctor nodded. 'And now?'

'Two.'

'Good.' She nodded again. 'Last time.'

'Four.'

'Good.' The doctor wrote something down, and then held up her index finger. 'Look straight ahead and follow my finger with your eyes, OK?' Olivia dutifully followed the doctor's finger as she started to move it from side to side and up and down. 'Very good.' She noted something else down. 'No dizziness or nausea at all?' Olivia shook her head and winced. The doctor smiled sympathetically. 'Headache?'

'Yeah.' Olivia closed her eyes again.

'Well, that's normal after a bump on the head.'

'Mmm.'

'Have you been drinking or taken any illegal substances recently?'

Olivia's eyes sprang open again. 'I'm almost 20 weeks' pregnant!'

The doctor raised an eyebrow at her. 'Mrs Benson, as a cop you know as well as I do that that doesn't mean anything.'

Sadly, she was right. Olivia sighed. 'No, no drink or drugs.' She smiled ruefully. 'Not even Tylenol.'

The doctor smiled and looked down at her notes. 'Fair enough. Well, it looks like you just took a bit of a knock to the head, nothing to worry about. Unless you've had any other symptoms I should know about, I'd say it was probably just a drop in blood sugar. It can happen sometimes in pregnant women.' She looked back up at Olivia again. 'You are a little hypertensive, though. Have you had any other problems lately? Headaches, sudden weight gain, irritability, abdominal pain?'

Olivia hesitated. _Elliot will be so disappointed in you. _ She shook her head. 'No.'

'Then you can go home, once we've stitched up that wound on your forehead. You're going to have a brand new scar to tell stories about, I'd say, but stitching it should minimise the scarring as much as possible.'

Olivia sighed to herself. _One more scar to add to the collection._

The doctor smiled at her. 'Would you like us to call your husband for you now?'

Olivia felt a rush of panic. 'NO!' The doctor blinked and looked a little surprised, and Olivia mentally kicked herself. _Jesus, Olivia, calm down. She'll think that he's beating you. She'll think that you're losing your mind. She'll make you stay here for scans. Deep calming breaths, in and out, in and out._ She felt calmer now. 'Uh, I mean, no, that's OK. He's busy in court.'

The doctor sighed. 'Mrs Benson, if you go home now, you'll need to have someone with you. You can't be left alone with a possible head injury for the next 48 hours or so, just in case of further problems.' She frowned and flipped through Olivia's medical file again. 'Are there any other family members that we can call?'

_Does my four-year-old count?_ 'I...' Her voice caught unexpectedly in her throat. _Crap. Stupid hormones._ 'I don't have any other family.' _He's all that I have and I won't let myself lose him by screwing up again. _'I-'_ Wait. _She paused. 'Actually, you can call my friend Alex.' Olivia smiled. 'She's even closer than family.'

**_A/N: You maybe get the first hints of what's going on with Olivia in that chapter... I'm going to explore it a lot more in the next one. I hope you all enjoyed it, and send me a review to let me know!  
><em>**


	21. FOUR  IV

**_A/N: Yes, I found time to update in the middle of all the busy-busy-busy-ness__... I was watching them film today for about three hours, so I sat and wrote this sitting on a bench on Brighton Beach boardwalk. It was awesome... though not as awesome as the fact I can say stuff like that. God, I need residency._**

**_Anyway, please read and review, and inspirationimagination: if you're reading this one too, thank you so so much for your awesome review on Heritage, and I'm working my ass off to get the next chapter out for you._**

_**Enjoy!**_

'So, are you going to tell me what happened?' To her credit, Alex had kept quiet until they were out of the hospital and sitting in her car.

'I, uh...' Olivia looked at her knees and rubbed the back her neck awkwardly. 'I just had a bit of a funny turn in the bathroom at the precinct. Nothing important.'

'What kind of a funny turn?'

'I just went a little dizzy for a minute and lost my balance.'

'And that big cut on your head?'

'I must have hit it on the edge of the counter or on the floor when I fell.'

'But you don't remember which one?'

Olivia sighed. She hated it when Alex got into ADA mode. 'No, I don't. I must have fainted or something. But I'm fine now, really, it's nothing.'

Alex rolled her eyes and finally turned on the ignition. 'Olivia, it is not nothing if you passed out for no reason.'

'Oh for God's sake, Alex, you sound just like Elliot.' Olivia was getting more and more irritated with her. 'Can't you just shut up and take me home?'

Alex frowned and shot her a look. 'Olivia, is it just me or have you been a little agitated lately?'

'What the hell is that meant to mean?'

'Well, for one thing, you're in a permanently bad mood, and for another, you're barely able to sit still. Olivia, that's not normal. I know that you can be a bit of a bitch sometimes, but never like this.'

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Yes, Alex, it's called caffeine withdrawal.'

'After nearly three months?' Alex raised her eyebrows at her. 'Olivia, what with that and the fainting... I think you need to go back to your doctor and tell him about this.'

Olivia snorted. 'Come on, Alex, I'm not going to get any pregnancy complications, you know how fit I am.'

'Fitness has nothing to do with it. You're 48 years old, Olivia. That's very old to be having another baby. If I'd known you were planning it then I honestly would have advised you against it.'

'What do you mean, if you'd known I was planning it, it was unplanned, I told you...'

Alex looked at her. 'I know what you told me, Olivia.'

Olivia felt her stomach turn over. 'What do you mean?'

Alex sighed. 'Just because you never discussed it with Elliot, Olivia, does not make it unplanned.'

_Shit._ Olivia looked at the floor and began picking at her fingernails. 'I don't know what you mean...'

'You do, but that's not the point. Olivia, a pregnancy this late in life is unavoidably high-risk, and you need to take this slowly. How many hours have you been working lately?'

'Oh, please,' snapped Olivia. 'You were 45 when you had Kimmie, and you stayed at work so long that your waters broke on the courtroom floor in the middle of trying a case!'

'Yes, and that was incredibly irresponsible of me.' Alex had just run the second red light in a row. Somehow, she didn't seem to have noticed. 'Don't you remember all the problems I had? Do you remember the pre-eclampsia? Because maybe that's something you ought to be looking into.'

Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She wasn't sure what was worse, having to listen to Alex lecturing her or the risk of being T-boned by a semi. Right now, the semi won out in terms of undesirability. 'Uh, maybe we should talk about this later when you're not driving-'

'No, Olivia, we're talking now.' Alex was not about to let this go.

'Jesus Christ, I would have just called Elliot to pick me up if I knew I was going to get this from you.'

'Why, has Elliot mentioned this?'

'He won't shut up about it. It's all about we need to move house, you need to work less, you're getting older, you need to stop working in the field, you need to slow down...'

'He has a point, Olivia. Don't push yourself too hard. You don't have to prove anything.'

'Now this is why I didn't want to call him, because if he heard about this he would be such a pain to be around-'

'He's going to ask about that cut, Olivia.'

Olivia sighed. 'I know he will.'

'What are you going to tell him?'

'I...' Olivia chewed on her lower lip. 'I don't know.'

'Well, how about the truth?'

'I don't want him to worry...'

'Olivia. He'd want to know. He worries about you because he loves you. You should try and listen to what he says sometimes. He's only thinking of you, you know that.'

Her shoulders sagged. 'I know.'

'And more to the point, if you don't tell him what happened, then someone else will. You know what a bunch of gossips they are in that precinct.'

'It's true.' _She'd learned that when she had Natalie._ 'I don't know, Alex... it's just... I'm scared that...' She took a deep breath and went for it. 'I'm scared that if I change then he won't want me any more.'

Alex burst out laughing before she could stop herself. 'What? Olivia, the man worships you! He has for years, starting long before you ever conceived Natalie, and anyone who has ever seen you together could tell you that. There is no way that he is suddenly going to lose interest in you.'

_I knew that you wouldn't understand._ 'No, I mean... when I first met him, I was, you know, independent and strong-willed and so on-'

'You were a badass.'

'Yes, OK, I was a badass.' Olivia smiled. 'But, Alex, he was married to Kathy. She's like the model of the perfect wife. She was calm, she was forgiving, she cooked and cleaned the house, she conceived, bore, and raised his five children without any problems... if that was what he wanted me to be, then why would he marry me, unless... unless...' _Unless it wasn't really me that he wanted at all._

Alex stared at her. 'Olivia, are you saying that you're jealous of Kathy?'

'She was perfect! She never argued with him, or complained, or... or... he said it himself just the other day, Alex! Kathy always used to stay at home with their kids, and he said it like... like... like it was just one more way that I could never measure up to her.' Olivia swallowed awkwardly, trying not to cry again. 'He's always mentioning her, Alex, 'Kathy used to do this, Kathy used to do that'. What if... what if as soon as I try and do the whole homemaker thing, he realises that I'm just a poor imitation of the original and that he's made a terrible mistake?'

'Olivia, are you really afraid that he might leave you and go back to Kathy if you don't do as he says?'

'No, but... Alex, it's only a matter of time before he realises that, while I was fine for a drunken one-off, he never should have married me!'

Alex raised her eyebrows at her. 'So your solution is to be surly and hostile?'

'Well, no, but... Alex, right now he still thinks that I'm perfect. It's like you said, he worships me. I look at him and I can see exactly what he sees in me, and there's no way that I can ever be that person, and... it's terrifying. I feel like I'm competing with a version of myself that never existed and that could never exist, and that just makes me hate myself, and when he keeps going on about all these things he wants me to do it reminds me of how useless I am.' Olivia chewed her lip. 'I mean, it's not like I don't know that he's right about some of it, but...'

Alex glanced over. 'Like what?'

'Well... working in the field, it is getting to me more, and I do wish I could be home with Natalie more, but... he's so unbearable when he wins, and I know if I give in even a little bit he'll take it all.' _And then when I still can't measure up he'll leave and I'll never see him again._

Alex sighed. 'You know, Olivia, one of the things people generally work on in a marriage is the art of compromise.'

Olivia laughed bitterly. 'Try telling that to Mr Elliot I'm-Always-Right Stabler. It's his way or no way.'

'Well, I think we both know that you're a little bit guilty of that yourself...'

She did have a point. 'But Alex, he never listens to me or thinks about what I want. I'd barely found even out I was pregnant before he was making all these grand plans for us, and he never even asked me my opinion. He just told me what we'd be doing and assumed I'd go along with it.'

'Well, maybe he was just excited and got carried away.'

'No, Alex, he had to have been thinking about it for a while already. There's no way he came up with all that in the three hours it took between leaving the hospital and his first mentioning it. We left the hospital, drove home, went upstairs, talked for a bit, and had sex. And then literally five minutes afterwards he was telling me what we'd both be doing in ten years!'

'OK, I can see how that could be a problem.'

'I know! Alex, I love him, so , so much, and I want him to be happy, but... I want him to think about me and ask me about important things like that. I need him to listen to me and about what I want, what I want to do, what I think is good, you know?'

'Well, maybe if you want him to include you more in decisions like that, you ought to trust him enough to finally put your assets in both your names. At the moment you hold all the power, Olivia, because you have the apartment in your name, and he has nothing. Kathy took his house in the divorce, remember? How do you think he feels knowing that he's only got a roof over his head because you're letting him live with you?'

_I hadn't really thought about it like that._ Olivia sighed again. 'It's not about power, Alex, it's about... well...'

Alex cut her off. 'It's about relying on someone. I know you, Olivia. You don't want to lose your independence completely.'

Olivia snorted. 'Bullshit.'

'OK, Olivia, but you need to think about it.' Alex finally pulled into a spot outside her building. 'And think about going back to the doctor. You're right, it is probably nothing, but you should have a check-up just to make sure.' She turned off the ignition and pocketed the car keys. 'Right, I'm coming up to your apartment with you while you tell Elliot what happened.' She raised an eyebrow at Olivia and shot her a stern look. 'No buts.'

**_A/N: So, what do you think?_**


	22. FOUR  V

**_A/N: After writing the first chapter of 'Hysteria' I thought that I could do with a little bit of E/O... so, here it is. Lots of smut and lots of E/O, so if that's your kind of thing, you'll definitely like this. _**

**_Sidle13 and Katmor - welcome to my little world of E/O centric SVU writing... I hope you're enjoying it so far. courtneylovejason - I was really glad to finally get the chance to put Olivia's side across. Even on the show, Elliot's quite often being selfish, and just not thinking how she might feel about it (then again, and I speak from bitter personal experience, he is a man.) It's not so much that he means to be malicious (most of the time...) but he just doesn't think before he speaks. _**

**_edge15684 and Katmor - yeah, they need to work a little more on their relationship dynamic... it can't be easy going from training detective and junior detective to husband and wife, especially with two such strong personalities involved (and of course his previous marriage with Liv's complete opposite, combined with Liv's insecurities...) _**

**_K444 - she knows that she needs to say it, but she loves him and she's scared to... hopefully she'll feel able to tell him everything soon though. _**

**_Anyway - thus is the end of the super-long author's note. I hope you all enjoy it, and like I said - if you like your E/O and your smut, you'll like this. Be sure to send me a quick review to let me know!_**

**_EXTRA NOTE: Because the site is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap. Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!_**

FOUR - IV

'Hey, El.' Olivia smiled awkwardly. _Maybe he won't notice... _ She watched his eyes widen as he saw the gauze dressing and the spreading bruise on the side of her forehead. _Shit, he noticed._

He looked horrified. 'Jesus Christ, Liv. What happened?'

'I...' _OK, now she was definitely going to cry. Damn hormones._ 'I felt a bit ill at work, and...' She broke off and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. 'And I...'

'Liv, it's OK.' Elliot put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. 'It's OK.' Olivia sniffed, wrapped both her arms around his waist and pressed the side of her head again the front of his T-shirt. She felt Elliot begin to stroke her hair. 'Is everything OK with Shrimp?'

She sniffed again and nodded. 'Yes. Shrimp is fine. I just had a bit of a dizzy spell and knocked my head.' She suddenly burst into tears. 'I'm so sorry, Elliot, I really am, I've been-'

'Ssssh, it's OK.' She felt him kiss the top of her head. 'Liv, it's all right.' Elliot looked up and saw Alex smile and nod at him before she turned and walked away. 'I promise, Liv, everything's fine.' He kissed her again. 'I love you, Olivia.' He stroked the side of her face with his thumb. 'I love you so, so much.'

'I love you too.' Olivia cleared her throat. 'El?'

'Yes?'

'El... I think you were right. I need to slow down a bit.' _El, I'm scared, I'm so scared... _She bit her lip. 'I'm trying to do too much.'

He rubbed her back soothingly. 'I think that would be a good idea.' He began to guide her towards their bedroom. 'Do you want anything to eat?'

She shook her head. 'No.'

'OK.' He stroked her hair and helped her into her nightclothes before she climbed into bed. 'Nat's already asleep, so you just lie down and I'll go and get you some water-'

She felt an irrational rush of panic. 'No.'

'No?'

_OK, this is going to sound really pathetic. Screw it._ 'Elliot, please don't leave me.'

He smiled at her, bent down and kissed her forehead. 'Olivia, I will never leave you.'

'No. Now. Don't leave me now.' _I need you, El, I need you..._

He nodded. 'OK.' He took off his trousers and climbed into bed behind her, kissing the back of her neck and wrapping his body around hers. 'OK.'

She smiled, took hold of his hand and kissed it. 'Thank you, El.'

'That's OK, Liv.' _I would do anything for you. _ 'Do you feel any better?'

She sniffed and nodded. 'Yes.'

'Good.' He kissed her shoulder and placed his hand against her stomach. 'You all right in there, Shrimp?'

She laughed. 'Shrimp is just fine, I've gotten too big for even my largest fat pants over the past week.' She twisted her neck around to shoot him a reproachful look. 'Consider yourself lucky that you get to be the man.'

He frowned. 'I didn't think that was really open for negotiation.'

'I don't know, I wear a lot of trousers and drink beer...'

'I have a Y chromosome.'

Olivia sighed. 'OK, you win.' She felt him beginning to stroke her stomach. 'Though I do get to lie around while you fuss over me, I suppose...'

'I thought you didn't like that.'

'I don't.' She thought about it. 'But I like that you want to.'

Elliot laughed and brushed her hair back off her face. 'I swear to God, I will never understand women...'

'And that's just the way we like it.' Olivia rolled onto her back, took his hand and held it, interlocking her fingers with his and holding it against her stomach again. She began to stroke the back of his hand with her thumb. 'It's all part of the fun.'

'I knew it.' He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead.

She smiled and held her hand against the side of his face. 'I love you, El.'

'I love you too.' He went to kiss her on the forehead again and she moved her hand to the back of his neck and tilted her face up, pressing her lips against his. She slipped her other hand away from his and began to stroke his shoulder, and then her hands were tugging at the hem of his T-shirt.

Elliot let go of her and sat up, pulling his shirt off over his head, and then she was in his lap, her knees tightening against the sides of his hips and her nightdress bunched up around her thighs, both hands against the sides of his face and her thumbs stroking his cheeks as she kissed him. _ know he likes doing it like this._ She squeezed her knees tighter and pushed herself further into his lap, moving her hands down to the spot where his neck met his shoulders, and as he wrapped his other arm around her back he felt her beginning to move her hips. Her hand crept down to the waistband of his shorts and pulled them down almost to his knees.

He paused. 'Liv... are you sure you want to do this now?'

She looked at him, smiled and kissed him. 'Yes.' She put her arm around his upper back and pressed herself tightly against him. 'I am.' She leaned in and kissed him again.

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><p>cut<p>

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><p><strong><em>AN: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!_**


	23. FOUR  VI

_**A/N: Yes, it's been a while, but now I have a nice long chapter for you (with lots of Natalie, which I really like.) Give it a read and send me a review to let me know what you think!**_

_**Thanks for all your lovely reviews on 'Paranoia', and I'm going to try and make a good start on the next chapter today for you. (At the moment 'Heritage' and 'Hysteria' are frustrating me with writer's block, hence the delay.)  
><strong>_

_**courtneylovejason - I think a lot of Olivia's problems come from how insecure she is, to be honest, and it's something that she really needs to work on. The thing is, if you remember how their relationship in this started (back in 'Aftermath'), he was still married at the time, and now she's paranoid he's going to leave her too (which is probably at least partly out of a misplaced sense of guilt.)**_

_**edge15684 - the problem with Olivia is that she's taken five years to admit that she's scared he's going to leave her, and now she's actually admitted it she can't stop because it's scared the crap out of her (plus some of the symptoms of the health issue she's having are agitation and paranoia.) Since she believes she's nothing special but he still left his wife for her, in her mind what's to stop him doing the same to her? Also, her character's more than a little needy at times, however much she tries to hide it, so she tends to seek a lot of reassurance. Also, the fact that he keeps mentioning Kathy probably doesn't help...  
><strong>_

_**Sidle13 - I'm glad you liked it. I put a lot of thought into writing it so that it didn't come off corny or sleazy, so I'm glad that it worked.**_

_**Hutch917 and K444 - I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you like this one just as much.**_

_**Anyway, epic note over, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, and don't forget to let me know!  
><strong>_

'Liv, I'm so sorry, I really don't want to leave you-'

'El.' Olivia squeezed his hand. 'You have to go to court. Casey's relying on you.'

'I know, but...' He looked around helplessly. 'I just...' _I just don't want to go..._

Olivia sighed. 'Elliot. I'm not on my own, I'm in the on-call room. There's a whole squad of detectives 20 feet away who will never let anything happen to me for fear of what you'd do to them. I'll just spend the day in bed here and you can come and pick me up when you're done. I'll be fine.'

'If it was anything else, Olivia, I swear I'd be here...'

'I know you would.' She smiled. 'I love you, El.'

He smiled back, knelt down and kissed her forehead. 'I love you too.' He glanced at the door and hesitated. 'Munch and Fin are right in the next room, and I've told them to come in and check on you every 15 minutes or so. Any problems, you get them to call me, OK?'

She sighed. 'OK, El, I will.'

He smiled and stroked her hair. 'Good.'

She paused for a minute, glanced around and smiled at him. 'Hey, El, remember this bed?'

He laughed and kissed her again. 'I do.'

She leaned in and kissed his cheek, and then he felt her breath on the side of his face as her lips brushed against his ear. 'Do you remember what we did on the night we conceived our darling daughter?'

He smiled softly at her and stroked the side of her face. 'Every last detail.'

She smiled back and began to brush her fingers across the side of his neck. 'Well, while you're in court today, maybe you can entertain yourself by thinking about me lying here and waiting for you...' She kissed him again, and for a second he felt her tongue darting across the inside of his mouth. 'How does that sound?'

_Oh God, it sounds amazing... Except..._ 'Olivia, do you not realise how bad it would look for me to become visibly aroused in the middle of testifying in a necrophilia case?'

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Of course I do, but come on, Elliot, I'm five months' pregnant and stuck in bed. I have to find my laughs somewhere.'

Elliot burst out laughing and hugged her tightly. 'Oh, God, Liv, I love you...'

'I love you too.' Olivia smiled and nodded towards the door. 'Is Nat OK out there?'

Elliot laughed. 'Nat's fine, she's sitting with her Uncle John listening to his stories and drawing pictures.'

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. 'Ice cream trucks with giant teeth?'

'Airplanes with shark fins.'

_Good Lord._ She shook her head in disbelief. 'Well, that's a new one...'

'I know.' He smiled and stroked her hair.

'El, I...' Olivia paused and bit her lip nervously. _I love you. Please stay here with me. I know I told you not to, but... _ 'I...'

'What is it, Liv?'

_Please don't go._ 'I...' _No, Olivia, you know how irritated he gets when he thinks you're being clingy._ 'El, uh, are you absolutely sure Nat's OK? Because I hate having to bring her into work-'

'Sssshhh.' Elliot kissed her forehead again. 'Liv, just relax, OK? Nat's perfectly happy with her Uncle John. When I left she was playing with his detective badge and pretending to be you.'

'Really? What was she doing?' _Do I want to know?_

Elliot rolled his eyes. 'Apparently, being you means stalking Fin and harassing him into telling her where he's going and where he's been and what he's been doing every five minutes. I think he's about to lose his mind. A minute ago she tried to follow him to the bathroom.' He paused. 'Also, she just informed a beat cop who came in to collect a file that she was, and I quote, a 'badass.''

Olivia burst out laughing. 'That's my girl.'

He smiled fondly. 'That she is.' He sighed and passed her a magazine from the stack he'd just run out and bought from the kiosk over the road. He was fairly sure that the vendor now thought that he was either a pervert with a thing for fashion or a cross-dresser. To be honest, he wasn't really sure which was worse. 'You promise you'll be OK?'

'Well, let me see. You bought out the whole of the newsstand over the road's supply of magazines, and brought me enough water and snacks for me to survive a nuclear event. I think I'll be fine.' She smiled and stroked the side of his face. 'Thank you for taking such good care of me, El.'

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. 'Olivia, I would do anything for you.' _Please just ask me to stay here with you..._

Olivia pursed her lips thoughtfully. 'Anything?'

He smiled and squeezed her hand. _Just ask me to stay._ 'Anything.'

She raised her eyebrows at him. 'Absolutely anything at all?'

_Uh oh._ Elliot felt a twinge of unease. _Please, nothing too energetic, I know what pregnancy hormones do to you but I'm nearly 50, and one of these days I'm scared you might actually kill me... _ 'Yes, Liv, absolutely anything.'

'Hmmm...' She looked at him hopefully. 'Does that mean you'll bring me back a giant pretzel from the street vendor opposite the courthouse?'

_Oh._ Elliot wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. 'Sure, no problem.'

'Thanks, El.' She smiled. 'Can you get it with melted cheese and some of the coconut flakes he uses on the ice creams on it?'

_Ew._ 'OK.' He leaned in and pulled the blankets more tightly around her. 'I love you.' He brushed her hair back off her face and kissed her forehead. 'I'll be back as soon as I can.' _With your disgusting hybrid pretzel._

He began to stand up and Olivia reached out and grabbed his tie. 'For the love of God, Elliot, can't you at least kiss me goodbye properly?' She raised an eyebrow at him. 'I'm not an invalid, you know.'

'God forbid,' muttered Elliot.

'Shut the hell up.' She pulled him in and kissed him, her hand against the side of his face. She felt him rest his hand on her shoulder, moving it across her bare skin and up to the side of her neck before he began to stroke her cheek with his thumb, winding strands of her hair around his fingers. She sighed, and then reluctantly pulled away. 'I love you, Elliot.'

He smiled and kissed her forehead. 'I love you too.'

She smiled back and let go of his tie. 'OK, you can go now.'

'Why, thank you.' Elliot rolled his eyes and stood up. 'I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise you, and if there's any problems you get someone to phone me, OK?'

'El. I'll be fine. Go.' Olivia opened her magazine and settled back against the pillows. 'If you're late, Casey will tear you a new one.'

_She had a point._ 'OK, Liv, I'll see you soon.'

'Love you, El.'

'Love you too.'

As soon as the door swung shut behind him, Olivia suddenly felt like she was about to cry again. _Oh God, what if he never comes back? _She took some deep breaths and tried to focus on her magazine. _He's coming back. Of course he's coming back. You're doing everything you can to be exactly what he wants, why would he leave you? _She sniffed and wiped her eyes._ Kathy probably never made him bring her pretzels._

'Mom?'

Olivia looked up to see her daughter standing forlornly in the doorway. She put the magazine down. 'What is it, honey?'

Natalie looked at the floor. 'Nothing.'

Olivia sighed. She was getting more like her father every day. 'Where's Uncle John?'

'Talking to a lady on the phone.' Natalie pouted. 'I think he likes her better than me.'

'I don't think that's true.' Olivia held out her arms. 'Come on, come and give your mom a hug.'

Natalie ran across the room, jumped into bed with Olivia and threw both arms around her neck, burying her face in her mother's hair. Olivia smiled and hugged her daughter tightly. 'What's up, Nat?'

Natalie chewed her lip thoughtfully. 'Mom, what's a booty call?'

Olivia's jaw dropped. 'Where did you hear that?'

'Uncle John was talking to the other lady about it.'

'Uh...' Olivia made a mental note to kill Munch. 'Well, it's like when... when a grown up decides they want their friend to come round and stay over... and, uh... play.'

'Like when I went to Kimmie's for a sleepover party?'

'Not exactly.'

'Then what is it?'

'Well, you only invite one friend over, and it's a... very special friend.' _Though knowing how many very special friends Munch had, Olivia wouldn't put anything past him._

'Like when you ask Auntie Alex to come over when Daddy's working, and you watch all the sad movies and cry?'

'Well, not quite, no.' Olivia tried desperately to think of a way to change the subject. 'Has Uncle John been telling you any other interesting stories?'

Natalie nodded enthusiastically. 'He told me about when another lady stole all his clothes for a game and then he had to steal some from a washing machine.'

'Oh.' Olivia didn't really know what to say to that. 'Well, that sounds like fun.'

'Yup.' Natalie snuggled in against her mother and then prodded her stomach. 'You're getting all fat.'

Olivia sighed. Her daughter hadn't yet learned the gift of tact. 'Yes, it's because I'm going to have a baby.' _And you really need to stop doing that to total strangers on the subway._

'So?'

'Well, as the baby grows it needs more space, so my tummy gets bigger so it will fit.' _Well, that and all the pretzels._

'Oh.' Natalie paused. 'When are you going to have it?'

'September.'

Natalie looked stricken. 'But it's only April now!'

Olivia laughed. 'I know.'

'When Susie's rabbit had babies it only took a month!'

_If only. _'Yes, well... I'm not Susie's rabbit.'

'We saw her other rabbit riding it around.'

_Uh oh. _ 'Really?'

'Yes. Susie's mom said that was how she got the babies.'

'Well, yes, that's true...' _Please don't ask what I think you're going to ask, please..._

Natalie paused thoughtfully. 'Is that how you got your baby, Mom?'

_Shit. _'Uh, no, not exactly...' _Definitely time to change the subject._ 'Hey, why don't you go and see if Uncle John is done talking to his friend yet?'

Natalie shook her head. 'No.'

'No?' _Oh God, please no more awkward sex questions, not now..._

'No.' She snuggled up closer to her mother. 'I want to stay here with you.'

_Bless her..._ 'OK, sweetie.' Olivia wrapped her arms around her daughter and kissed the top of her head. Natalie laid her head on Olivia's chest and began sucking her thumb.

Olivia brushed Natalie's fringe back off her forehead and stroked the side of her face. 'Are you tired, Nat?'

Natalie shook her head and burrowed closer to her mother.

'Are you sure?'

'Mmmm...' Natalie's eyes were closed.

Olivia smiled and began to stroke her daughter's hair. 'Love you, Nat.'

Natalie was already asleep. Olivia hugged her daughter tightly and kissed the side of her face. Natalie grumbled and shifted in her sleep and Olivia felt her hand beginning to curl loosely around her necklace. She smiled. Natalie had always loved that necklace, even when she was a baby. Whenever Olivia picked her up, she'd start fidgeting with it. She and Elliot were planning to get Natalie her own version for a First Communion gift.

Olivia kissed Natalie's cheek and lay back down against the pillows, still holding her tightly in her arms. Natalie snuggled up closer to her mother, pressing her face into the side of her neck, and Olivia could feel the back of her fist against her shoulder as she sucked her thumb. She smiled and closed her eyes, starting to stroke her daughter's hair again.

When Elliot finally got back from court, he found his wife and their daughter curled up in bed together, fast asleep, Olivia's arms still around Natalie and Natalie snuggled against her chest. He smiled, bent down and brushed Olivia's hair back off her face, kissing her forehead. 'How are my two favourite girls?'

Olivia opened her eyes. 'El...' She smiled and reached up to stroke the side of his face, and then pulled him down to kiss her. 'How was it?'

'It was fine.' He sat down on the bed next to her and began to stroke Natalie's hair, smiling as she muttered something and burrowed closer to her mother. 'But I would have done anything to have been here with you.'

Olivia took his hand and squeezed it. 'I know.'

**_A/N: What did you think?_**


	24. FIVE

**FIVE**


	25. FIVE I

_**A/N: A Saturday night surprise for you! I finished this quite literally 20 minutes ago and I was planning to post it tomorrow morning, but then I thought - I've kept you all waiting for months already (it has actually been months, hasn't it? Wow. My apologies.) Anyway, this chapter has the start of Olivia officially Flipping Her Shit with him (to be honest, I would have done a while ago given how much of an asshole he seems to have been sometimes - seriously, it's like women's lib never happened in the Stablerverse) and it's also the start of the fifth month! Exciting stuff. I hope you all enjoy it and I hope you all send me a nice review to let me know (and the next chapter will be the 20 week scan... so that's something to look forward to for you.)**_

___**courtneylovejason - I love Nat too, she's actually maybe my favourite thing about this story =) sadly this chapter doesn't have any of her but I'm going to try and write some more Nat in soon!**_

_**edge15684 - I know, my friend's nephews are nightmares for asking awkward questions... but they're so cute while they're doing it!**_

_**K444 - I too love myself a bit of fluff once in a while =)**_

_**Sidle13 - so do I =)  
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_**Hutch917, Paula100, redorchid23 - I'm glad you liked it!  
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_**And gemfinder360, my fellow Irish SVU fan - consider this one for you!**_

**_Anyway, here you go, I hope you like it, and let me know what you think!_**

'Morning, Liv.' Olivia felt Elliot kiss her forehead as he sat down on the bed beside her.

She burrowed further under the covers, squeezing her eyes shut against the light. 'What time is it?' _Why is he waking me up so early?_

'Eight. Alex just picked up Nat for the day.'

She felt him begin to stroke her hair and smiled to herself. _Oh, THAT'S why..._ 'And you thought you'd give us some time alone together before we have to go out...' She began to squirm a little with anticipation. 'I like it...'

There was an awkward pause, and then he cleared his throat. 'Well, actually...'

_Huh? _ She opened her eyes, frowned and sat up. 'Why are you wearing your suit?' _Won't you be a bit overdressed at the doctor's?_

Elliot shifted uncomfortably, unwilling to meet her eyes. 'Olivia, I just woke you up to say goodbye. I told Cragen I'd pull an extra shift today.'

Olivia tried to keep the hurt from showing on her face. _But El..._ 'Why?' _You said that you were taking the day off to come to the doctor with me. You promised._

'Well, because we need the money, for one, and-'

'But Elliot, I have my follow-up appointment today, you know that...' _Why would you do this?_

'I'm sure you can manage on your own.' He smiled at her and stroked her hair. 'I left you cab fare on the kitchen table.'

'But...' Olivia was still trying to get her head around what was happening. _But I need you there, El, you promised..._

_Great, here comes the guilt trip._ He sighed and glanced at his watch. 'Look, it'll be fine, Kathy always managed these things perfectly well on her own-'

Olivia felt a rush of irritation. _Fuck Kathy._ 'Elliot, I told you how nervous I was about it. You know how important it was to me that you be there, and you just go and do something like this without even asking me-'

'Oh, you need me now, do you?' _That's a first._

There was a definite hint of spite in Elliot's voice, and Olivia bristled. 'Yes, El, I do. You knew that, and you've gone and done this anyway.'

_For fuck's sake..._ 'Well, I'm sorry, Liv, but-'

'No you're not.'

'What?'

'I said, Elliot, that you're not sorry. If you were, then you wouldn't have done it. How often do I ask you to be there for me? How often do I ever ask you for anything? And then, on the one day I really need you, you miraculously find out at the last minute that you have to work? Please.' _How stupid do you think I am?_

_Since when do you get to tell me what to do? _'Olivia-'

_Enough._ Olivia fixed him in a steely glare. 'You know what, Elliot, I realised something the other day. It's not me who needs to change my attitude. It's you.'

Elliot rolled his eyes. 'Oh yeah, and when did you decide that?' _Was it while you were watching Oprah?_ _Because I'm fairly sure that I could take out a contract on that woman at this point and plead it down to justifiable homicide._

_Patronising asshole._ Olivia sat back against the pillows and crossed her arms over her stomach. 'You remember the other night when you were annoyed at me because I wanted to go back to work for two days a week on desk duty?'

His eyes narrowed. 'I do.'

_See, there it is again!_ 'Well, as soon as I told you, you went very quiet and then you ignored me for the rest of the evening-'

'Come on, Liv-

'-and then LATER, when we went to bed and I wanted to cuddle, you just rolled onto your side with your back to me and said you were tired!'

Elliot shrugged. 'So?' _It's not like I yelled at you or anything._

_What do you mean 'so?'_ Olivia gritted her teeth. 'SO, it's not the first time you've done that, Elliot. It's not even the first time this week.'

'And?' _It's not that often, is it?_

'And, I'm sick of spending days at a time hating myself and blaming myself for not being good enough for you, Elliot. I live in utter terror of upsetting you. Sometimes I cry because I'm so scared that you'll leave me for not being whatever the hell it is you want, and I've had enough.'

'Come on, Olivia, it's hardly my fault that-'

'Yes, Elliot, it is. You play on my insecurities to get what you want. Every time I do something that you don't like, you either pick a fight or go cold on me until I give in. It's selfish and it's manipulative, and I'm not going to put up with it any more.' _To be honest,_ _I don't know why I've put up with it for so long in the first place._

Elliot was trying hard to keep the irritation out of his voice. 'Come on, Liv, be reasonable-'

'I think I'm being perfectly reasonable. I just don't want to have to play your silly power games any more.'

'For God's sake, Liv-'

Olivia cut him off. 'Elliot, what is it exactly that you want from me?' _Who do you want me to be? Because it's damn well time for you to figure it out._

_Isn't that obvious? _'I want you to act like my wife.'

Olivia rolled her eyes impatiently. 'Oh yeah? Which one?'

Elliot bristled. 'That is NOT fair, Olivia-'

'Yes, Elliot, yes it is, and do you know why? Every five minutes it's 'oh, Kathy did it like this' or 'oh, Kathy did it like that.' It's gotten to the stage where I half expect you to sit up in bed and say 'oh, Kathy never used to come like that!''

He snorted derisively. 'For fuck's sake, Olivia, don't be so stupid-'

'Why am I being stupid, Elliot? All you ever do is try and tell me what to do! 'Liv, do this, Liv, do that-''

'Yes, it's because I'm your husband!'

'And that means you're in charge, right?'

'Yes!'

'Why's that? Because you have a penis?' _Chauvinist bastard._

_No, because you're my wife._ Elliot focused on trying to control the anger in his voice. 'Because you're pregnant, Olivia! It's my job to look after you!'

_Then why the hell aren't you coming to my appointment with me?_ 'And that suddenly means you get to control me? Because I managed perfectly well without you the first time round!'

_Why won't she stop rubbing that in my face? _'That was different-'

'Why? I was still pregnant. I was still lugging around half of your genes with me everywhere for nine months, and you know what? I managed just fine without having you around 'helping' me!' Olivia's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'In fact, I seem to remember that you spent the first four months of my pregnancy denying that Natalie had anything to do with you!' _And to be honest, it still scares me a bit to know that you could actually be that cruel._

_Oh, for God's sake... _ Elliot gave her an exasperated look. 'Olivia, that is not true-'

'-yes it is, one of the first things you said was that I'd clearly gotten myself knocked up by a stranger and decided to pin it on you-'

'-God, Olivia, will you just let me finish for once-'

'-why, Elliot, why? Do you have something important to say, or is it just-'

Elliot finally snapped, his hands balling into fists. 'STOP IT!'

Olivia stared him coldly in the eye. 'Make me.'

_Oh, I'll make you, I'll... I'll..._ Suddenly he caught himself._ What the hell is wrong with you? She's pregnant! You're meant to be trying to look after her, not screaming at her every time she gets moody! _Elliot felt a rush of guilt and he chewed on his lower lip, staring at the floor. _Jesus, Elliot..._

Now she was looking at him with concern, one hand on his knee. 'El? El, are you OK?'

_No, I'm a selfish asshole. _He took a deep breath and then looked up and smiled apologetically at her. 'Liv, I'm sorry.' He put his hand on her stomach and stroked it with his thumb. 'You're right, I'm being unreasonable.' _She can't help being irrational right now, so just humour her._

Olivia's jaw dropped. 'You... you are?' _But... he never, ever admits he's wrong..._

'Yes, I am.' He smiled, took her hand and squeezed it. 'I love you, Liv, and I am so, so sorry, for everything. I've been under a lot of pressure at work and, you know, worrying about the baby, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you.' _Wow, a lot of that was actually true..._

Olivia blinked. 'That's... uh... OK, El...' _What the hell just happened?_

He smiled and squeezed her hand. _Thank God. _He looked at his watch and sighed. 'I probably can't get out of work this late, but I can bunk off early and take you out for lunch at Martino's after your appointment?'

_Ooh._ Olivia fought the urge to actually lick her lips. 'I like Martino's.'

Elliot laughed and stroked the side of her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. _ How can she always be so adorable? _'I know you do.' He smiled, leaned in and kissed her. _I can't believe she'd think that I'd ever want anyone else but her._ 'Tell you what, I'll even stop by that weird cafe on Eighth and bring you back some of their Hungarian pastries. How does that sound?'

_Perfect._ Olivia bit her lip and smiled at him. 'I love you, El.' _Even when you are being a complete asshole._

'Sounds good, then.' He kissed her again, stroking her cheek with his thumb. 'I love you too.' _Even when you're being an unreasonable harpy._

Olivia smiled and stroked his hand. 'I know you do.' _But I'm still not going to let this go, now matter how many pastries you try to bribe me with._

_**A/N: What did you think?**  
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	26. FIVE  II

_**A/N: I finally have the next chapter of 'Anew' for you! After much cursing over it and trying to make it go right (the writer's block that afflicted 'Heritage' also afficted 'Anew') it's finally just about ready to go... thank goodness! It's the 20 week scan this chapter, which I hope you'll all like... so, enjoy, and don't forget to let me know what you think!**_

_**(Also, thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews on 'Heritage' and especially on my new story 'Grievance.' It's given me the push I need to really get going plotting it out, and hopefully the next chapter will be all ready within the next week or so.)**_

_**Kristy6, I'm glad that made you laugh... it made me laugh while I was writing it mostly because I had this mental image of it actually happening... and I will attempt to 'keep up the good work', and writer's block be damned!**_

_**gemfinder360, yes, yes he is. And he has been for a while. Olivia's just been internalising it for so long that this is the first time she's really called him on it.**_

_**K444, I am so, SO happy you liked it. I always try to really get into the heads of the characters I'm writing... so I'm glad it seems to have worked!**_

_**Sidle13, I'm glad you liked it, and your wait is over!**_

_**(FYI - The next chapter has more smut, so I'm fairly sure you'll ALL like that...) **_

_**Anyway, epic note is over (though it's shorter than most of my notes to be fair) and I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and please, PLEASE send me a review to let me know what you think! **_

'So, it's finally time for your 20 week scan. Are you nervous?' The sonographer smiled at Olivia.

'No, I-' Olivia stopped. 'OK, yes, a little.' She bit her lip and Elliot squeezed her hand reassuringly.

'Well, if it helps, there's really no need to be.' The sonographer smiled kindly and then turned away to adjust something on the monitor. 'Can you lift your top up for me, please? Good.' She squirted the gel onto Olivia's stomach and spread it around. 'Ready?'

Olivia looked up at Elliot and he smiled and kissed her forehead. She squeezed his hand tighter. 'Yes, ready.' She felt the sonographic probe pressing into her stomach, and then a familiar black and white image appeared on the screen and she gasped. 'Oh, wow...'

'There's your baby.' The sonographer smiled and began to move the probe around Olivia's stomach. 'The last scan gave you a gestational age of 12 weeks, is that right?'

'Yes, yes, that's right.' Olivia couldn't take her eyes off the screen. 'El, look...'

He smiled and kissed her, beginning to stroke her hair. 'I know.'

The sonographer was looking carefully at the monitor. 'The baby's larger than I would expect for 20 weeks in.'

Olivia's heart sank. _Fantastic._ She heard Elliot trying to stifle a laugh and gave him a dirty look. 'Stop laughing, asshole, you're not the one who's going to have to birth this thing.'

Elliot kissed her forehead. 'Yes, and that's why I can laugh about it.' He smiled at the sonographer. 'Our daughter Natalie weighed just over ten pounds.'

'Ten pounds? Wow...' The sonographer shook her head. 'My youngest was eight pounds, but ten? That's... well, that's impressive.'

'Impressive my ass.' Olivia shook her head. 'That labour was the longest eleven hours of my life.'

'Come on, Liv...' Elliot smiled at her and brushed the hair back off her face. 'You have to laugh...'

Olivia's eyes narrowed. 'Do I?' _My vagina certainly isn't laughing. Do you remember the inflatable rubber donut, Elliot? Because I do._

The sonographer cleared her throat. 'OK, guys.' She was carefully studying the screen. 'Would you like to know the sex?'

_YES!_ Olivia looked up at Elliot again. 'El?' _Say yes say yes say yes say yes-_

'Yes.' Elliot squeezed her hand again. 'Yes we would.'

The sonographer smiled. 'It's a girl.'

Olivia promptly burst into tears_. Crap. Crap crap crap. Deep breaths._ She heard Elliot laugh again and he put his arm around her shoulders. 'Come on, Liv, I thought I'd be the one upset at the idea of yet another girl in my house...' _Not to mention eighteen more years of having to see off every young punk who comes to my door to chat up my daughters..._ He smiled to himself. _Although that did become a lot less of a problem once I started answering the door cleaning my gun..._ He smiled again and kissed the top of Olivia's head. 'You OK there, Liv?'

'Yes...' Olivia wiped her eyes. 'Yes, I'm fine, I'm not upset, I just...' She sniffed. 'It's just...'

Elliot smiled and stroked the side of her face. 'I know.' He leaned in and kissed her cheek, stroking the palm of her hand with his thumb. 'Look, Liv, the baby's kicking...'

'I know, I can feel it.' It felt more like an odd fluttery feeling than anything else. 'It's been-' She paused and smiled. 'She's been doing that a lot lately.'

'Jesus, now she's waving her arms around like she's at a rave...' Elliot shook his head in disbelief. 'Was... uh...' He felt an unexpected pang of sadness. 'Was Nat ever like this? You know, at her scans?'

'Oh yes.' Olivia laughed. 'Believe me, this is nothing, Nat was practically turning somersaults at this stage.'

Elliot smiled, leaned down and kissed her. 'Yeah, that sounds about right.'

Olivia smiled up at him and stroked his cheek, pointing at the screen again. 'El, look, the baby has your nose...'

Elliot sighed and shook his head. 'Poor kid...'

Olivia stifled a laugh and elbowed him in the ribs. 'Don't make me laugh, I'm meant to stay still for this-' She saw the look on the sonographer's face and stopped. 'What?' A cold feeling settled in her stomach. 'What is it?'

'One moment, Ms Benson.' The sonographer was frowning now. 'Could you stay still for a second, please?' She was staring closely at the screen and moving the probe around carefully.

'What?' Olivia's breath caught in her throat. 'What's wrong with the baby?'

'Nothing's wrong with the baby.' The sonographer still hadn't taken her eyes off the screen. 'I just want to get one of my colleagues in here to look at something.' She hung the probe up on the side of the monitor. 'You two just sit tight, and I'll be right back.'

'What is it? What did you see?' Olivia tried to grab the sonographer's sleeve as she brushed past her and left the room. 'What's wrong with my baby?' Her lip trembled for a minute and then she burst into tears again. 'TELL ME, PLEASE!'

'Ssssh, Liv, it's OK, it doesn't mean anything.' Elliot put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. 'It's OK.' He felt a twinge of unease. _Oh God, what if it's not OK? _'Come on, Liv, sssshhh, it's OK, it's OK...'

Olivia was shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. 'No, El, they didn't do this with Natalie, something's wrong, I know it is...' She buried her face in his shoulder and cried harder. 'Oh my God...'

'Liv, you don't know that. The sonographers aren't allowed to tell you anything other than the basics, because they have to get a doctor in to interpret the images first. That's all it is. She's seen something that maybe seems a little unusual, and she wants to check it out, just to be on the safe side. That's all. It happens all the time.' _I hope. _Elliot kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair reassuringly. 'That's all it is, Liv, it's OK.' He looked down at her, stroking the side of her face with his thumb as he leaned in and kissed her forehead. _Oh well, at least you seem to have picked a good time to finally get the hang of lying to her... _He forced a smile. 'It's OK, Liv, I promise.'

'No, it's not, it's not El, it's my fault, it's because I'm old, my ovaries and uterus are all sad and shrivelled, like a... like a...' Olivia's face contorted and she burst into noisy sobs, her whole body shaking. 'Oh God, El...'

'Sssshhhh, Liv, it's OK.' Elliot hugged her tighter and began to stroke her hair again. 'It's OK, Liv, ssshhhh, calm down, it's OK...'

The sonographer was back with the doctor. 'Ms Benson, this is Dr McGrath-'

Olivia felt a surge of rage. _You think I give a fuck who he is? _ 'JUST TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BABY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!' She pushed Elliot aside and reared up angrily.

_Yikes._ Elliot tightened his grip across his wife's shoulders and shot the doctor an apologetic look. 'I'm sorry, pregnancy makes her evil.' He saw Olivia's eyes narrow angrily and mentally kicked himself. _Great, you ruined the one chance you've had for her to be pissed at someone other than you for a while._ 'I think it's the hormones.' _I pray to God that it's just the hormones because then Evil Liv will go away again in four months..._ 'What my lovely, reasonable wife meant was, could you please tell us what it is you've seen on the monitor that concerns you?'

'Please just give me a minute, Sir.' The doctor sounded distracted as he peered down at the monitor. 'You said she's at 20 weeks' gestation?'

'Yes.' The sonographer held the probe still and pointed something out on the monitor, looking up at the doctor. 'Do you see that?'

The doctor nodded. 'Yes, I do.'

'SEE WHAT? SEE WHAT?' Olivia was almost hysterical. 'What's wrong with the baby?' _Is it my fault? Is it something I did? Because I read all the books, I took all the right supplements, I even started going to prenatal yoga with a bunch of New Age crazies who kept telling me to eat my placenta-_

The doctor smiled patiently. 'Nothing. Nothing is wrong with your baby. As far as I can tell, the baby is absolutely, 100% healthy-'

'Then what in fuck's name are you staring at?' Olivia's last shred of patience had finally snapped. 'Are you just doing this to fuck with me? Because if you are, I swear to God I'll-'

'Ms Benson, I have far better things to be doing than hanging around here solely to 'fuck with you', believe me.' The doctor raised his eyebrows at her pointedly, his voice polite but curt. 'What I was going to say before you so politely interrupted me was that you have a very short cervix for this stage in pregnancy.'

Olivia's stomach lurched. _Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit that sounds bad is it bad it sounds so bad oh God El it sounds awful- _She bit her lip. 'What do you mean?' She shot Elliot a panicked look and he kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair soothingly, his hand tightening around hers. 'How can it be too short?'

The doctor was flicking slowly through her file. 'Well, Ms Benson, your cervix is only 23mm long, and that's considerably shorter than would be desirable at 20 weeks' gestation-'

'Is that bad? It sounds bad. Is that bad?' Olivia was trying and failing not to panic, her fingernails digging even deeper into Elliot's palm and her fist clenching painfully around his hand as she looked frantically up at him. 'El, what does that mean?'

Elliot shrugged. _How the hell should I know? I don't have a cervix. All I know about them and pregnancy is something Kathy shouted at me about mucus plugs once, and I never want to have to think about that ever, EVER, again, believe me..._ He barely managed to suppress a shudder. 'Uh, I'm afraid I don't know. Liv. Maybe the doctor does.' _And if he doesn't then we're damn well asking for another one. Stupid cost-cutting HMO..._

'It means that you're at a higher risk of having a preterm birth.' The doctor gave her a reassuring look. 'There's no need to panic. It doesn't necessarily mean anything will happen. There's every chance that you will go on to have a completely normal pregnancy, but you should consider taking it easy as much as possible over the next few months. No strenuous activities or stress.' He made a note in her file. 'I'm going to schedule you for another scan in six weeks, just to be on the safe side.'

Elliot leaned in and kissed Olivia's cheek, breathing into her ear. 'Don't worry, Liv, it'll be fine.' He squeezed her hand and kissed her again. 'It'll be fine.'

Olivia started to sob again. 'You don't-'

'Sssh, Liv, I promise.' He hugged her tightly and began to stroke her hair. 'I promise it'll be fine.' He kissed her forehead. 'I promise you, everything will be OK.'

She pulled back a little and looked up at him. 'I love you, El.' _I really wish I'd had you here the first time round, I really do..._

'I love you too.' He kissed her and pointed at the screen. 'Look, our baby's sucking her thumb.'

Olivia choked back another sob and smiled. 'She is.'

_**A/N: What did you think?**_ _**Send me a review and let me know!**_


	27. FIVE III

**_A/N: So, I finally (after a month or so) have a new chapter of Anew for you guys... I'm sorry I've kept you waiting on it so long but for some reason I've decided to have a half-dozen stories on the go at the same time (glutton for punishment) so they all kind of have to wait their turn... this one's been stubborn as hell for the past two weeks, just refusing to go right, and in the end I just decided to post it as it is and be done with it. Hopefully you'll all like it despite that, and despite all the headaches it has given me over the past month... _**

**_I had a really long note written, like I usually do, but then my browser crashed again right before I was about to save it (I know, right?) and... I cannot write it all again. I can't. So... my apologies. But I promise I'll make it up to you next time, and in the mean time - lots of nice smut for you! (Also, Everyone who's reading Nollaig Shona Daiobh (I'm assuming the readership is pretty similar) - I'm sorry for how long it's taking me, but I want to get the next scene absolutely perfect before I post it! Anyway... as ever, please give it a read and let me know what you think!_**

**_EXTRA NOTE: Because the site is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap. _**

**_Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!_**

'I can't believe I'm going to have yet another girl in my house...' Elliot shook his head and smiled, stroking Olivia's hair and clasping her hand in his as she lay beside him with her head on his chest. 'As if Nat wasn't enough of a handful on her own...'

'Oh, please.' Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Nat is such a daddy's girl.'

He smiled. 'She is, isn't she?'

'Yes, she is.' Olivia smiled, turning her head to kiss the side of his neck. 'She adores you.'

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. 'Must be all those true crime bedtime stories I tell her...'

Olivia stifled a laugh. 'I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.' _No wonder she's always so disappointed when I suggest reading some more Nancy Drew..._

'That's probably for the best.' He smiled and hugged her tighter, stroking her bare shoulder with his thumb. 'How long do you want to wait before we get the cot out of storage?'

'The cot?' Olivia laughed. 'You do know I'm not due for another four months, right?' She sighed to herself. _Four long months of backache and endless trips to the bathroom..._

'I know.' Elliot smiled and kissed her. 'But I like waking up in the night to see it at the end of the bed...' _Except for that one time I woke up and thought the mobile was a ghost._

She laughed softly and snuggled up closer to him. 'So do I.'

'Do you remember when Nat still slept in here with us?' Elliot smiled fondly, tightening his arm around Olivia's shoulders. 'I used to just lie here and listen to her cooing away to herself all night...' _And sometimes I used to tell you I'd heard her whimpering to give me an excuse to get up and hold her..._

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'She never shut up.' _Whoever said that young babies sleep for over 18 hours a day was a dirty liar._

'I know.' Elliot smiled down at her and stroked the side of her face. 'She takes after her mother.'

Olivia laughed and elbowed him in the ribs. 'Charmer.'

'Well, I try.' He kissed the top of her head. 'I love you, Olivia.'

'I love you too.' Olivia smiled and kissed the side of his neck.

He smiled, wrapped his arm tighter around her back and kissed her. 'Liv...' He laughed quietly to himself, breathing into her ear as he slowly ran his fingers across her bare skin. 'You know what we should do while we still have the room to ourselves?'

Olivia bit her lip, trying not to laugh. 'Clean it?'

'No...' He started to kiss her neck, his hand suddenly inside her nightgown.

Olivia sighed. 'El...'

'Yes?' He smiled and pushed the straps of her nightgown down to her elbows, kissing her bare shoulders and sliding his hand down her back as he moved onto his side.

Olivia swallowed, concentrating hard on keeping her breaths slow and regular. 'El, you know I can't do this right now...'

'Do what?' He eased her nightgown down to her waist and started to run his fingertips across her naked skin, kissing her neck and chest. 'I didn't think you were doing anything...'

'Well, I'm not, but...' Olivia could feel a warm tingle of anticipation spreading through her. _Oh God, that feels so good... _'El, please...'

'I thought I was the only one doing anything...' He smiled and slid his hands down, pulling her hips against his and kissing her deeply.

'OK, you are, but-' Olivia felt him beginning to rub against her and gasped. 'Oh, El, don't do this to me...'

He smiled innocently, his hand brushing along the base of her stomach. 'Do what?'

'This...' Olivia started to squirm awkwardly. _Deep breaths, Olivia, deep breaths..._ 'You know the doctor said no strenuous activities...'

'So?' He smiled and started to kiss her neck again. 'Who said it was going to be strenuous?'

'What?' Olivia burst out laughing. 'Come on, El, it's always strenuous, don't you remember the time you concussed yourself against the wall on our honeymoon?' She stopped and thought about it. _Actually, no, he probably doesn't..._ She smiled to herself.

'But Olivia, it doesn't have to be...' He kissed her again, angling her hips towards him and feeling her legs start to tense. 'You can just lie there and I'll do everything...'

'Mmmm...' She smiled at him, brushing her fingertips up the side of his face. _Well, if you put it like that..._ 'Everything?'

'Everything...' He started to kiss her again.

* * *

><p>cut<p>

* * *

><p>'Liv...' He smiled up at her, gasping for breath. 'Oh, Olivia...'<p>

She smiled, leaned down and kissed him. 'I love you, El.'

'I love you too.' He hugged her tighter, running his fingers up and down her spine as he kissed her. 'You're so beautiful, Olivia.'

She smiled. 'Even with my big pregnant belly?'

He laughed and kissed her, brushing her sweaty fringe back off her face. 'Especially with your big pregnant belly.' He held his hand against her stomach, stroking it with his thumb.

Olivia smiled, and then she sighed, leaning down to press her lips against his. 'OK, El, I'm sorry, but... beautiful or not, lying in this position with our giant child growing inside me is making my back ache.'

He burst out laughing and reluctantly helped her shift over to lie beside him. 'Better?'

'Mmmm, yes, El...' She smiled and snuggled up to him, laying her head on his chest. 'El?'

He turned his head and kissed her forehead, feeling her clasp his hand in hers as he put his arm around her. 'Yes, Liv?'

She chewed on her lower lip, stroking his shoulder with her thumb. 'What do you think our baby's going to be like?'

'I don't know.' He smiled and kissed her, moving his hand back down to stroke her stomach. 'Dark haired, dark eyed... and stubborn.' He grinned. 'Definitely stubborn.'

Olivia laughed. 'Stubborn?'

'With you as her mother? Definitely.' He laughed and kissed her forehead. 'Why, what do you think?'

Olivia paused thoughtfully, stroking the palm of his hand with her thumb. 'Quiet.'

'Quiet? Why?'

'I don't know, I just have a feeling.' She smiled. 'But that might just be wishful thinking.'

'Probably.' He laughed, tightening his arm around her shoulders. 'But if she's anything like you, she'll be just perfect.'

Olivia laughed and snuggled up closer to him. 'That's such a terrible line, El.'

Elliot looked offended. 'It wasn't a line!' He paused. 'Why, would it have worked if it was?'

'Maybe...' She smiled and kissed him. 'You know, if I wasn't pregnant...' She kissed him again, slipping her tongue into his mouth. 'And if we hadn't just had sex less than five minutes ago...'

He grinned. 'True.' He started to stroke her stomach again. 'Liv?'

She looked up at him and smiled. 'Yes, El?'

Elliot opened his mouth, and then stopped. _How on Earth are you going to put this? _He took a deep breath and just went for it. 'Look, Liv... I know you're worried about what might happen, but...' He wrapped his arm tighter around her, stroking her back. 'But you don't need to be, OK?'

'No, I...' She hesitated, biting down hard on her lip as she pressed the side of her face against his chest. _Oh, just tell him the truth, he knows anyway._ 'I am, El, I am, I.. I'm so scared...'

'I know.' He pulled her in closer, stroking her hair reassuringly. 'But it'll be OK.'

She looked up at him, biting her lip. 'It will?'

'Yes.' He smiled and kissed the top of her head. 'I promise.'

**_A/N: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!_**


	28. FIVE  IV

_**A/N: It's the weekend and, as usual, I have a new chapter for you! This week it's Anew (as you can see, obviously) and it's a relatively short one, but the next one is going to be quite long so it'll balance out. Also, for all the Natalie fans, the next chapter is going to have a lot of her (both baby Nat and current-age Nat) so you have that to look forward to! **_

_**Anyway, enough about the next chapter. **_

_**Thank you all so much for your reviews on the last chapter, I actually had a whole huge author's note like I usually have written out and then Opera crashed on me and I lost it, and... it's 10am on a Saturday morning and I just cannot type it all out again... but you're all WONDERFUL, and I hope you like this chapter too! **_

_**Anyway, like I said, this one's relatively short, and it's quite a change in tone from the previous ones, but I hope you'll all like it anyway, and please send me a review to let me know what you think!**_

_Elliot opened his eyes, squinting as the brightness of the lights hit him. _

_Where am I?_

_He sat up and looked around, feeling a twinge of unease as he recognised the gaping holes in the roof and the water-stained concrete floor of the warehouse._

_How did I get here?_

_He slowly got up, suddenly noticing the coldness of the floor beneath his bare feet and realising that he was only wearing his boxer shorts._

_What the... _

_He rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably, wincing as he felt a tacky wetness beneath his fingers. _

_Jesus- _

_He pulled his hand away and saw that it was covered in thick smears of blood._

_Shit._

_What the hell happened?_

_He frowned. I remember... I remember lying in bed with Liv, we had sex and then we went to sleep, and then... and then..._

_And then nothing._

_He chewed his lip thoughtfully._

_But then if I'm here..._

_He felt his stomach turn over._

_She must be here._

_His jaw dropped. _

_Oh my God._

_'LIV!' Elliot looked around desperately, listening for her. 'LIV, are you here?' He started running towards the double doors at the other end of the building. 'LIV!'_

_'El?'_

_He heard her voice coming from somewhere beyond the doors and he ran faster, shoving them open and then stopping abruptly as he saw the towering stacks of file boxes around him._

_His eyes widened. Jesus Christ._

_What the hell is going on?_

_'OLIVIA!' He looked around, feeling a surge of panic. 'OLIVIA, WHERE ARE YOU?'_

_'El...'_

_There. She's over there. Elliot started to run, dodging the columns of boxes that reached almost to the ceiling and looking desperately for his wife. 'LIV? LIV! CAN YOU HEAR ME? OLIVIA!'_

_'El...'_

_'OLIVIA!' He rounded a corner and then suddenly she was there in front of him, still in her nightdress, Gitano holding a knife to her neck as he pinned her to the ground. _

_Elliot's blood ran cold. Oh my God. 'Liv?'_

_She looked up at him, her eyes full of panic. 'El, help me...'_

_Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus... Elliot automatically went for his gun before remembering with a jolt that he was only wearing his boxers. _

_Shit. _

_Oh, shit. _

_He cleared his throat, forcing himself to stay calm. 'Get the hell off my wife, you son of a bitch.' _

_Gitano smiled at him and pressed the knife harder against Olivia's throat, a thick trickle of blood starting to run down her neck and pool on the floor. 'Hi, Elliot.'_

_Elliot swallowed, fighting back a rising sense of panic. 'I said, get the hell off her.'_

_'No.' Gitano smiled again and leaned forward, pressing the blade even harder against Olivia's throat, and Elliot heard her gag as the trickle of blood became a steady stream._

_'No, please, please don't hurt her...' Elliot heard his voice catch in his throat and silently cursed himself. So much for being calm and authoritative. 'She's five months' pregnant...' _

_'Oh, I thought she was getting a bit fat.' Gitano grinned and stroked Olivia's stomach, and Elliot saw her tense. 'Is it a girl or a boy?'_

_Like it makes a difference to you, pervert. Elliot's eyes narrowed. 'Fuck you.'_

_Gitano sighed. 'That's very rude.' He rolled his eyes and punched Olivia hard in the stomach, and Elliot winced as he heard her gasp sharply. She retched and tried to double up on her side and Gitano hit her again and pinned her down, pressing the knife harder against her throat as she whimpered, tears streaming down her face. 'Stay the fuck down, Liv, or I'll gut you like a pig.'_

_'El, El, help me...' Olivia's lip was trembling as she looked up at him. 'Help me, El, please...'_

_'Oh help me, El, help me...' Gitano grinned mockingly and stroked the side of Olivia's face, reaching into the waistband of his jeans and pulling out a gun. 'You going to help her, El?'_

_'You BASTARD!' Elliot felt a surge of rage and hurled himself at Gitano, trying to wrestle the gun away from him as he pinned the knife against his chest with his body. 'Give me the weapon, you son of a bitch!'_

_He saw Olivia climbing awkwardly to her feet out of the corner of his eye, blood from her throat still soaking into her pale nightgown. 'El!'_

_'Run, Liv!' Elliot could feel Gitano's knife digging into his side and he elbowed him hard in the ribs, still trying desperately to wrestle the gun away from him. 'RUN!'_

_'No.' She shook her head and took a step forward. 'No, El, I won't, you know I won't-'_

_'Liv, PLEASE, just run, get out of here-' Elliot shoved Gitano hard in the chest, finally grabbing the gun away from him and letting out a cry of triumph before he felt the gun recoil with a deafening bang as it went off._

_Oh God._

_Elliot's blood ran cold._

_Oh God, did he get me?_

_I don't feel any pain..._

_Then... He felt a brief burst of hope. Did I get HIM?_

_He looked at Gitano's face. He was smiling._

_No, but... He frowned. But then..._

_He heard a choked gasp. 'El...'_

_Oh no, NO- His stomach lurched and he looked at Olivia, a cold feeling of dread settling in his gut. 'Liv?'_

_'El...' Olivia was staring blankly down at her hands as she clasped them over her stomach, blood pouring through her fingers. She looked up at his face and sank to her knees, her eyes wide with disbelief. 'El, what have you done...'_

_'Oh my God, Liv!' Elliot pushed Gitano away and ran to her, dropping to his knees beside her as she lay on her back on the floor, struggling to breathe. 'Liv?' He grabbed her hand and held it tightly in his, stroking her hair. 'Liv, can you hear me?'_

_'El...' Olivia gasped, her eyes filled with panic as she stared up at him. 'El, please, no, I don't want to die...'_

_'Liv, it's OK, you're not going to die, just hang on for me, OK?' Elliot pulled her up and into his arms, stroking her hair soothingly. 'Come on, Liv, come on, think of our baby girl, don't you want to meet her?'_

_'She's dead, you killed her...' Olivia blinked, tears running down her face. 'Why, El...'_

_'Liv, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...' He leaned down and kissed her forehead, squeezing her hand tightly in his. 'Just hold on for me, OK, Liv, I'm begging you, please...'_

_'El...' Olivia's eyes were vague and confused as she looked up at him. 'El...'_

_Elliot could feel her hand beginning to go limp and he tightened his grip on it, fighting back a fresh surge of panic and hugging her tighter against his chest. 'No, Liv, please, please, hang on, I'm begging you, Liv, I need you, I can't live without you, Liv, oh God, please...' He bit his lip, leaned down and kissed her, still stroking her hair. 'Liv, no, come on, please, please don't leave me, Liv, please, PLEASE...'_

_He heard her moan quietly, her hand tightening briefly on his, and then suddenly her face was blank and expressionless, the look of confusion in her eyes fading into a dull nothingness as she fell limp and still in his arms._

_'No...' Elliot shook his head, feeling tears beginning to run down his face. 'No, no, no, no, Liv, oh God...' He shook her gently, tightening his arm around her shoulders. 'Liv, wake up, please...' He looked carefully at her face, staring into her eyes and searching desperately for flicker of something, anything, but there was nothing._

_'No, no, Liv...' He choked back a sob and hugged her tightly against his chest, burying his face in her hair as he rocked her. 'Liv, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...'_

_'Daddy, Daddy, help me!'_

_Oh my God. Elliot froze, feeling his stomach lurch. No, it can't be, it can't be... 'Natalie?' He carefully laid Olivia's body down, still clutching her hand tightly in his as he looked around the room, suddenly horribly aware that he had no idea where Gitano had gone. 'Natalie?'_

_'Daddy, Daddy, please!'_

_'NATALIE!' Elliot took one last glance at his dead wife and then he was on his feet and running through the maze of boxes, looking frantically around him as he ran. 'Nat, Nat, it's me, it's Daddy, where are you?'_

_'Daddy, help me!'_

_'Nat, hang on, Daddy's coming, OK?' He kept running, trying to follow the sound of her voice. Where the hell is she? 'NAT!'_

_'No, no, please!' Elliot heard a hint of panic in her voice. 'No, no, leave me alone, no, help me, Daddy, he's a bad man, DADDY!'_

_Elliot's breath caught in his throat. Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus... He felt a sudden burst of rage. 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY LITTLE GIRL, YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH?' He started to run faster. 'NAT? NAT!'_

_'DADDY! DADDY, HELP ME!'_

_'Nat, I'm coming, please, hang on!' Elliot kept running, pushing down a surge of panic. 'Natalie! NATALIE!'_

_'DADDY!'_

_'NATALIE! No, no, NATALIE!'_

'NATALIE!' Elliot woke with a start, breathing heavily, the bedsheets around him tangled and soaked in sweat. '...Natalie?' He looked around the darkened bedroom, squinting into the shadows. 'Nat? Are you there?'

_Calm down, Elliot, it was a dream._

Suddenly he heard Olivia stir beside him and he almost cried with relief. _Thank God... _He closed his eyes and flopped back against the pillows, forcing himself to take some deep breaths.

_It was a dream, it was just a dream..._

He turned his head and looked at Olivia sleeping next to him, her nightgown still pushed down to her waist and one hand loosely clasped around his, and he smiled to himself. _Oh, thank God, thank God..._ He reached out and stroked the side of her face and she smiled in her sleep and squeezed his hand tighter.

'I love you, Liv.' He smiled, leaned in and kissed her cheek, pulling up the bedcovers and tucking them tightly around her shoulders. 'And I will never let anything bad happen to you or Nat, I promise.' He brushed her hair back off her face and kissed her again. 'I promise.'

_**A/N: What do you think? It was different, but was it good different? Please send me a review and let me know!**_


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